40 reasons why I love my wife

Appreciating a good wife can extend your life, friends.

SPOILER ALERT! The words “turning 40 years old” and “woman” will be used in the sentence. For the readers who don’t like aging, simple math and the value of sticking around, please understand that I don’t care about your feelings-at least not today. I only care about celebrating a wonderful woman that I somehow, someway convinced to marry me over 21 years ago.

Happy 40th, Mrs. Buffa. Being able to say that with the pride of a pack of lions sitting on top of a hill has a lot of perks. Let’s discuss a few, or 40, while she bakes and preps enough cupcakes to fill a couple bakeries this morning.

40) She knows the power that comes with two fingers of whiskey

A few years ago, we were coming back from a somewhat stressful vacation. Boarding a plane in Sarasota’s airport can be like climbing through a Five Nights at Freddy rave, and that includes the overly touchy security guards. As me and the tattooed rubber glove dude were reaching second base, she could see my forehead develop into an arrow.

Sensing her husband entering “Tony Soprano but more fitter” rage mode, she quickly defused a bomb with a substance called Maker’s Mark. Nothing cuts to the point faster than a little bourbon. Rachel knows how to cut the red wire.

39) She understands that Red Vines are the best kind of leathery, rubbery red candy

When I bring home flowers, Rachel is pretty happy. She smiles and accepts. But if I bring home roses and red vines, it’s a party. The smile widens, and the wife looks at me like Christopher Columbus walking out of a candy store right after discovering a world.

38) Rachel can make a tasty meal with a barebones pantry

There’s nothing sexier than standing back and watching the idea of eating out die while she stares into an island of misfit culinary toys like it’s Narnia. Pasta, a sauce retrieved from Aldi four months ago, scattered Italian spices, frozen meatballs. Strap in for two tickets to flavor town. If that Lost show became a reality, you better hope my wife survived that crash.

37) She lets me be me

Long marriages don’t happen without freedom. A liberty to allow someone you entrusted the rest of your life to find their own speed and wildness whenever they see fit. Without making it apparent or making a scene, Rachel knows how to let me roam the open land and find my own answers. It could be a workout, the 457th viewing of Heat, or something minor. Having an ally in life means you have someone who knows you and understands the cost that comes with that association.

36) HEAT abides

A wife that doesn’t care (outside of an eye roll) that I suddenly put on a three-hour odyssey of man epic crime film is a keeper. Thankfully, De Niro reminds Rachel of her old man, and Pacino’s arrogant charm never wavers. But she still throws zero fits.

35) She is close to my dad

They butt heads on projects. They bicker like their bloodline matches. But they love each other furiously. It’s vital for a man’s wife to get close to the father, like staring into the original model and finding clues of husband’s DNA makeup. The awkwardness of hangouts is taken away, and a fixer friendship develops. If my dad or wife can’t fix it, nobody can. Watching them work together is a wonderful thing.

34) It takes patience to knows a bunch of Buffas

If one of my family members drinks too much and says something wrong, she handles it. If my dad wants to build an exotic man cave in our backyard, she lovingly tells him fuck no. If my mom hands her six dog lotions and sophisticated medications, she takes them. My wife can roll with the Buffa punch!

33) She gave me siblings

Being a younger brother with only one sibling has its rewards and limitations, so acquiring a few siblings in the marriage was a nice bonus. Being able to have a couple of mighty sisters in Jennifer and Sharie, and a loving brother in Tony, is a quiet reward of hitching my wagon to her. All of them carry a little Rachel scent in their actions and intentions, reminding me of her.

32) The remote listens to her more than me

I can be sitting there with the remote, pushing buttons and shouting obscenities. Willing a battery-powered device to perform an action seems as easy as closing the fridge, but not an Amazon firestick. They think anything is possible, including NOT working. But then my wife takes it from me, flicks her tiny fingers around, and the screen abides. I used to get mad, but now I know. Rachel has a way.

31) HER HAIR

Freshly washed, it’s a fierce reminder that perfume is overrated when compared to a handful of TRESemme shampoo and conditioner. Remember when Pacino told Chris O’Donnell in Scent of a Woman about smelling a woman’s hair, like sticking your face into a sea of pearls and never leaving. Yeah, he was right. Even when it’s not washed, I still don’t wanna leave.

30) Her height

Yeah, I like short women. They hide in a crowd like Barry Sanders hid on a football field from defensive linemen. Nothing against taller women, but Rachel standing up against a table that she barely sees over is smoking hot to me. If Lois Lane didn’t have to be a well-known actress, they could do the world a favor by casting her in the next Superman movie. Then again, she’d just steal thunder from Sup.

29) She’s a wine drinker who has learned to appreciate beer

It’s the little things, friends. Things like a woman being unable to enjoy a glass of Cabernet at times, so she switches up to a sour ale. It’s not like a woman drinking beer is revolutionary, but the particular sight of my wife lapping me in beers at Rockwell Garden is a turn on. Wine is still her buddy, but beer is a friend that is allowed in to stay. Jordan Palmer would be proud.

28) She’s a big baseball fan

Our affinity for the Birds is not equal (good for her soul), but Rachel has loved baseball most of her life. It’s a gift to see her plop down on the couch and fire off a take or be able to climb into a game I’ve been lost in for an hour as if time was under her command. It is true that I think of her late dad when I talk baseball with her, and that our son Vinny didn’t kick harder during her pregnancy than when Yadier Molina hit a home run at Busch with us in attendance.

Baseball is a part of her soul, as it is mine.

27) Dave Matthews Band is her favorite, STILL

Fun fact: the first time I met her, Mr. Matthews was there too. Walking into her dorm room at Hatch Hall only to find a poster of the musician on the back was the first clue that this thing might work out. The hours of live concerts consumed, tunes heard in our company, and the decades of adoration of a band lies in the rest of the comment. Every couple has a band or song that defines them. While Frank Sinatra tries hard to butt in, it’s DMB who holds the cards.

When we saw them at Busch Stadium, I’ve rarely seen a woman move that quickly from a smoke break to being back in my arms for a song. That song was Crash into Me, which is kind of what she did back in 2022 and still today.

26) The woman can COOK

Think of the earlier note as a teaser trailer for her culinary talents. Rachel can cook, something else she picked up from Salvatore Imperiale. Whether it’s spaghetti or risotto, the lady makes tasty dishes and enough to feed the street. Leftovers for work can be like leftovers for work and home, but the flavor makes you continue to eat something.

I once ate a pasta dish she made for dinner, lunch, and dinner again. All inside 12 hours. She can change a recipe on the fly, reroute an ingredient, or just throw something together.

25) Her love for steak

You haven’t felt the arousal of a thousand seas until you’ve seen my wife clean the bone of a steak. Her eyes peer up with that “you gonna eat that cornbread” intensity, daring you to reach across the table for a piece of bloody ribeye. While some men would prefer for their wife to down a salad and half a bagel, I LOVE when Rachel consumes a steak like a Viking would before battle.

24) She makes Target clothes look like Dolce and Gabbana

Norah Jones may have publicly taken credit for the casual and sweet department store look, but she doesn’t look like my wife or have her sense of style. Before she was a sales lady maestro, Rachel nearly went into textiles and fashion. She has drawn, designed, and still puts together outfits that speak to her personality and body. It’s hot to watch, honestly.

23) The woman loves pets as much as she loves humans

The story is true. All of it. If we had a bigger house, we’d have more than six pets. There would be around 15 animals living rent free if she had her way. The woman who can do 40 things at once manages to foster two kittens while looking after six fur babies of her own and a pair of boys who try to resemble responsibility. She doesn’t have time to do nothing, and that’s a good thing for the creatures who can be deemed expendable. To Rachel, a pet is never expendable.

22) The woman loves coffee as much as I do

Yeah, it’s possible. A doctor could tell her that 5 cups of coffee is bad for her and that would only be a challenge. Folgers are in her cup because that’s her brand, but merely sitting in our sunroom with a couple ceramic mugs is a fine way to start a morning.

21) She know she likes AND doesn’t like

Sometimes, this can be a bummer, especially if there’s something I want her to do. But a soul who understands what they are passionate about and what isn’t should be appreciated more than be bummed about. After all, I didn’t marry her to make her do things that aren’t worth her time. Finding a person who knows what they like and dislike can only sharpen your own acknowledgement of what is right for you.

20) Rachel can fix shit, a lot of shit

Once upon a time, our furnace was acting up. My dad went down and looked at it, and deemed a handyman was required. My wife took that as a challenge. After a few minutes (I SHIT YOU NOT), the furnace was fixed. It was all better. What did she do, exactly? I have no clue. For all I know, she spoke naughty things to it, like a world without cold weather. But she fixed it. That goes for anything in our house.

If you think I’m grabbing a drill and whipping a piece of furniture into shape, that’s the wrong answer. I’ll be the guy trying to put the piece into the top of the drill without having it fall out. Punch above your weight in marriage, fellas.

19) She knows her husband is a movie man

It’s not just Heat. Anytime I feel the need to play a movie that has been watched by the two of us at least four times only gets a head shake or eye roll. It never results in a shouting match or argument. If I have to dive into the world of testosterone fulfillment for 90-120 minutes, it’s all good. I don’t think most wives would be like that.

18) She knows her movies too

TWICE in the last 48 hours, Rachel has been in the other room and been able to identify what I was watching. That’s sabermetrics I can believe in.

17) My grandmother got her into red wine

Rachel wasn’t always a hardcore wine lover. Back when something dry only meant skin in the winter time, she enjoyed many different kinds of drinks. But then my 90-pound Lebanese grandmother poured her a glass of Cabernet. Henrietta, nicknamed “Meme,” didn’t mind pushing herself all over you, and that meant what you were eating and drinking. She imposed her will, something that turned my wife into a wine lover. In a way, I still get to hang with Meme when she is sipping red.

16) The Sexiest Beard Trimmer alive

Sorry, Sports Cuts, and all the other hairdressing and management businesses. But when you have a half-dressed woman willing to trim the overgrown forest on your face, it’s a choice that makes itself. It isn’t like she’s not good at it. Trust me, there are few things Rachel can’t do. Running fast down a baseline is one of them, but turning a wild-haired beast into an inviting and approachable person again surely isn’t. The pandemic (and me accidentally cleaning my entire face off) turned her into my barber.

15) Those tiny hands

I know what you’re thinking and you’re not completely wrong, you filthy minded soul. But her small hands can get things out of the garbage disposal drain that freak-boy hands can’t. She can untie tiny knots and get to things most can not without a tool. Again, if you need the red wire cut, Rachel is your woman.

Oh sorry, she’s mine. Back off.

14) Those glasses

At a glance, she’s a hot teacher. Two glances later, she’s a smoking astronaut with her helmet off. Minutes later, well, I’m spent. Let’s just say it’s a sexy sight to see her look up at me with those things on.

13) Bad accident deterrent

Many years ago, before Vinny came into this world, Rachel was able to steer our spiraling car away from a potential accident that could have taken many lives, including ours. That’s the kind of thing that gets on any list, especially since years of good times could have been lost. I don’t know how she did it, but sitting on the side of the road after a car hit us from behind was better than being turned over.

12) That stare

A look that I don’t mind even if there was something I did wrong. A look that can stare through Chuck Norris’s soul. A stare that penetrates the forces of NASA and the strongest Black Ops unit. A stare that can… you get the picture.

11) A Hall of Fame mom

Vinny could do something bad, and my wife would defend him. He could give her a problem that would shred most moms, and she would handle it. Doting and the biggest form of momma love, Rachel doesn’t fuck around with the title of being a mom. She puts aside things and gets it done.

10) Her people skills

For all the people who think I’m the outgoing one from the two of us, that’s incorrect. Rachel is the one who will wander down Bourbon Street and start talking to anybody and everybody. If we go to a party and I feel like being lazy with no words, she takes over. It doesn’t matter where or when, a skill I think she picked up from her family… and Henrietta too. Always have a person with people’s skills around you.

9) SHE’S GOTTA A GREAT ASSSSSS

And my head is indeed all the way up it. Okay, I spent 31 points on non-sexual stuff. But that butt is a thing of beauty. It’s the milkshake that never melts. I literally started writing a bad check when I stared at it long enough. Seeing her clean kitchen cabinets in high shorts could be something that PPV tickets can be sold for. It’s my favorite thing about her.

8) She’s REAL SMART

Breasts. Don’t act like you haven’t looked at them. It’s okay. I’ll allow it. Great cleavage makes the world go round. Please don’t be offended, fellow women. It’s a fact. The gift that keeps on giving. Let’s just say a lot of bad moods have been turned upside down after a person sees my wife’s beautiful boobs. Just the tops, that’s all. For a guy who has done a lot of research and spent MANY hours investigating the surface and comfort of these two mountains, I can tell you they’re just as awesome as you think.

(Understand the obsession now…)

7) Her work ethic

I feel like that’s a disservice to her abilities, because she simply can’t be stopped when a goal enters her mind. If something to do flies into her orbit, that thing will be done or tried/tested for hours. She can work 60 hours and go to school at once, looking after 6-10 pets and a couple humans. She does things that I can’t do, even if I spent months with that task. She does things I don’t want to do. Nothing stops her from chasing her dreams.

6) Her in a dress

A sight that has become more frequent since she started working at Crescent is something I’ve cherished since our first date. The flower tattoo on her calf, the way the fabric lays over her curves and hips, and even how she moves in a dress makes Audrey Hepburn look like a chump. If you’re reading this, you should head up to Crescent on Monday to buy some plumbing supplies from her. If she’s in a dress, it’s over.

5) She can hang with the boys, and fix more shit than them

A week after she started at Crescent, I told an old guy who worked at the counter that my wife knew the product and was a fixer. His eyes told me that it wasn’t a possibility for a woman to fix things, like he was living in 1945 or something. A week later, after we needed a new toilet and tank in our bathroom, I got to prove it to that guy. I told her that Rachel, not a plumber, installed the toilet. She did it on a Sunday, or one of the things on a Sunday. Yeah, she can hang with the boys.

4) Her laugh

A husband knows it’s not easy to make your wife laugh. I mean, really make them laugh. Every time I do it, forgoing the smile or quick laugh, the pleasure is all mine. She has a belly laugh that grows louder with each second, so say something really funny and try to unlock it. Her eyes light up, the shoulders rise like the Phoenix, and the mood improves.

3) She’s a good kisser

Pretty self-explanatory. Once again, I did my research. 21-plus years of it.

2) Her family

I love them. I love the joy, messiness, loudness, humor, and personality of her family. It’s not easy to survive in Imperiale-infested waters. You need to be a good swimmer to remain in the ring. But for over 20 years, I have integrated myself in her nest of followers and loyals, and I don’t want to leave… ever.

1) She loves me

I’m not the easiest person to live with, and that bypasses explanation. But no matter what I do, or what snarky little word grouping comes out of my mouth, she loves the shit out of me. She loves me to the end.

Thanks for reading this if you made it to the end. My wife is 40, and we need to go pick up a big cake. Find yourself in life who doesn’t just let you be you, but makes it apparent that it’s okay that you are that way.