5 gripes I have with the rest of the world
Five sets of people. Five issues I have with them.
I’m here to complain, ladies and gentlemen. There’s a few (five to be exact) groups of people or things that are annoying the shit out of me. These aren’t touch and go, here and there problems that slam into my forehead. No, these are consistent ways to raise my blood pressure. Keep in mind, folks, that it’s already high.
But, sometimes, you can’t leave the entire house open for people to walk through. As the Joker once said, “if you’re good at something, never do it for free.” Instead of guns and dynamite, I’m using words to transport the message. Now, on to the gripes. Pay the toll, free loaders. Okay, I’ll give you one.
5) Starbucks and their protection of the insulators
It’s not bad enough that you’re making people max out their credit card or drain their grocery money on a foamy cup of superpowered coffee. What you charge for a good cup of coffee is beyond reasonable. Save me their regular coffee; a tall Flat White costs $5.50, or almost two gallons of gas.
The least they can do is provide insulators for the scorching hot cups. Lately, it’s not as consistent or even half of the time. Imagine a billion dollar company withholding hand warmers for their pricey java. Save me your tip option; start by getting me an insulator. Only kids need a stopper for their drinks.
4) Drivers to slow down on purpose
These ungrateful packs of asshat bad sex refugees are the bottom-feeding scum of the concrete-sliding vehicular race. There I was, riding up behind “super cool guy with a brake-pushing complex,” and a thought ran through my head about possibly going faster. I don’t ask for the world out there, folks. Just give me some space.
Maybe it’s made up in my head, like Michael Jordan used to make up rivalries to ignite his flawless game. You create these scenarios where somebody out there is purposefully being mean to you, and you only! I could be wrong, but let’s play on the “believe what I say” side of the park for now.
They’re the ones who change lanes and slow down suddenly. They’re the sneaky little rats who barge into your lane, and start hanging around… like Teddy KGB said about Michael McDermott at a poker table. They don’t go anywhere, just existing in your way for at least two miles. I think it’s the scooter thing that makes people’s blood boil; it’s not my fault I only need $3 to fill my tank up.
Don’t go too fast. Don’t go too slow. Hang in the middle. Is it that hard?
3) The Weight Watchers
These are the ones who make an instant comment about someone’s weight, especially if it changed since the last visit. When there isn’t a judgmental soul in sight, and then suddenly there’s this person who must turn into a human weight watchers expert. At a time when silence would be golden, noise erupts from their mouths.
Look, there’s a bevy of reasons for weight gain. You let it go on vacation, and it continued for a few weeks. A new medication can do wonders for your sickness, but also put on weight that you didn’t ask for. It could be this, that, something else entirely, and none of our business. Look at a person’s eyes before you go to the basement. We all have those thoughts, but maybe keep them private.
No one needs another person telling them about their weight. Everyone knows what they look like, and what they want to look like. It’s homework for life, an uphill battle to the end. But really, just shut up about it.
2) The overly judgmental film critic type
The ones who don’t like action films, and think the best films should leave one depressed. The souls that make an end-of-the-year film vote are more treacherous and challenging, because voices can climb into a head that’s still simmering everything seen this past year. I wish the common movie fan didn’t immediately assume their thoughts on a movie had to be everyone else’s viewpoints as well.
Try something. Put a list of favorite movies list on social media, and then count the minutes until someone comments by asking where a certain movie is or why their list is better. It’s as common as a 35-degree temperature drop in St. Louis. Far too often, people associate their entertainment needs with others. Remember this above all else. We put these movies or shows through our own filter of bullshit and all the things that have come into our life, and that’s a singular experience.
You can watch a movie with 50 people, but it’ll be your experience and connection with the product that matters. All of this to say, don’t be a pompous film critic. You’re as full of shit as the next person.
1) The non-helpful fast food employee
Say whatever you want about McDonalds, but their mobile app is quite strong and saves so much mindless drive-through time. However, every titan has its snarky megamind take everything down with a snap of their fingers. I placed an order there ahead of time, and showed up to find out my order didn’t exist. One of the front counter employees looked direly uninterested in solving my problem.
Apparently, my order had been switched to a nearby McDonalds, and I was able to cancel and reorder. For the few minutes in between, all this person wanted to do was make me go away. From messing with my phone screen to quickly swipe away the issue to looking at me like I was robbing her soul of kindness, it was a lackluster performance for a paid employee.
The Big Mac remains the quiet champ of fast food burgers. The bun, lettuce, pickles, cheese, and meat doesn’t overpower or reduce your stomach to intestinal chaos. I wish the service was just as satisfying.
Those are the gripes. The curtain is lowering. Get the app below, and read me anywhere.
