5 things my wife loves

Let’s give Rachel the proper birthday treatment, and call out her faves.

I’m going to do something amazing. Before I get into the five things my birthday celebrating, lovely wife loves, let’s get a few “of course” answers out of the way.

She loves, adores, and would die for her son, sisters, three dogs, three cats, and most likely me as well. Coffee is her best friend. Putting them here would turn this whole rugged blog operation into the hallmark channel, and a bad one at that. Let’s now head to the good stuff, and celebrate her 41st properly.

1) Being Outside

It wasn’t opposites attracting to each other back in 2002, but it’s not far off when it comes to the amount of free time one likes to spend outside. My wife loves being outside during the summer and fall, breathing in the fresh air, whether it be hot as sauna breath or just nice and cool. While I’ll be hovering inside the cold confines of the “not outside” area looking for bugs and a way to see her, Rachel is on the deck, patio and/or grassy area.

She’ll tell me about doing some sort of task real quick, and then three hours fly by. Gardening. Watering 2-4 things at once. Talking to our neighbors. Fixing something in their yard. Keeping her flowers blooming, and her pool beaming. All in a Saturday. She’s the wife who tells me she won’t mind not eating outside at a restaurant, leading me to use my Jedi mind tricks to ascertain that she DOES want to eat inside. Do you want to make my wife happy? Do something outside. I’ll watch from afar with bug spray.

2) Wine

If Coke Zero is my liquid vice, wine is my wife’s trusted source of decompression. How much does she love wine? When headaches caused her beloved Cabernet Sauvignon to be too hard to drink, she started drinking Rose. Will she drink something else? Sure, but pour her a decent glass of wine, and she’ll be a happy camper.

My wife becomes an absolute people’s person after a glass of wine or two. It’s not her walking up and bothering someone; she’s making friends and making others feel good. While others will shy up or drift into a corner after a couple drinks, my wife starts to sift through the room and make connections. While others will slow down and their mind becomes more detached after a cold glass of chilled wine, my wife sharpens up.

3) Chris Evans

It’s quite simple. If the actor shows up one day at my door with a bouquet of roses, no shirt, and a nice beard, it’s over. Cancel the happily ever after, and get all of those Swedish fish out of the house too. Evans would immediately move in, and take over. My pit bull and I suddenly become street kings.

Sports teams alert fan bases about impending front office moves. If this happens, expect this. Telling people what’s ahead to brace them for a change. I already alerted all the pets and kid that this would happen, but now you know too.

Evans shows up, and I stand outside Scarlett Johansson’s house asking her to marry me and my fish from Sweden. It’s what it is. That’s the way it goes.

3a) Henry Cavill

Let’s just be honest, and say Henry will always be around the corner from Evans when it comes to the hunk factor. Maybe it’s a straight tie or maybe on birthday #42, it could be a clear choice. Right now, it’s close. If only I could hire baby elves to help me do curls in my sleep too.

4) A well-cooked steak

The first part is very important. Don’t mess up the cook of the wife’s steak. You can find the best cut, and still fuck it up. There’s no need to be fancy or enter the extra show-off impressive zone. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had a bad day or just had your mind drift while making it; you’ll get the look of terror that will slowly sink into your soul like a drug, but not a drug that will take the pain away. I’d even warn Gordon Ramsay before he took a shot at making her a ribeye, which is her favorite.

She doesn’t exactly like the cow walked through the kitchen before a prompt slap on the ass and placement on her plate, but she prefers the piece of meat to have a short life span on the grill. We’re talking seconds between doing it right and getting the look of terror. Rare or slightly angling towards medium rare if the cook is nervous or screws up steaks a lot. Better yet, just let her do it. That way, we all live in the end.

5) Fostering pets

When I say I’d adopt and foster more pets if we had more space, I only halfway mean it. It’s a nice husband thing to say if the day was long and she needs a bump, but that doesn’t exactly make it true. My wife, on the other hand, would dedicate an entire wing of a mansion to fostering. We’d have a floor of cats and a floor of dogs, mostly kittens and puppies.

We have six pets and do foster 2-4 at once with those original house pets, so it would be in the range of 20-30 animals at least running around our mansion. The son would regulate it, I’d learn to tolerate it, and she would be happy. It’s not a show-off thing, but a representation of someone caring beyond others. My wife loves and adores animals, and will go up to the APA and scoop up a box of babies if there’s a chance they are being sent off or in danger.

She cares. A lot. I care a lot about her, and can only hope she lets me continue writing her articles for the internet to consume. What other writer husband wrote something like this on their wife’s birthday? If you love someone, tell them and others.