5 Things On My Mind: Alton Brown loves STL style pizza, Hemsworth’s 'The Witcher, and Scherzer history
St. Louis style scores a win with the popular Food Network host and personality.
Few things change faster than St. Louis weather, except for their style of pizza and the various reactions to that particular cut of Italian pie. As a freeze approaches the city tonight after a decent summer heat and extended fall invitation, let’s get into five things on my mind here at the Substack newsletter. Yeah, I almost forget to refer to the place by its official name, even if I see it as another place for the all the stuff in my head that needs the written word to sort itself out. It’s the same reason that Riverport will be where I watch concerts, and not Taco Bell Pavilion.
Welcome to Buffet entry #1000. If you’ve been here since the beginning, I raise my cup of coffee to you. If you’ve joined in the time since I launch this thing back in 2022, I salute you for joining the party. As Todd Snider once said, “I don’t wish to change your mind, but ease my own.”
HEMSWORTH FOR CAVILL?
Sure, if we were talking about Chris Hemsworth. With no offense to Liam, he simply isn’t that good. There’s something about his screen presence that seems needy and forced. The natural effect isn’t there, so all the effort can be seen. Most of the time, he’s an absolute bore. Watching him step into Henry fucking Cavill’s space on Netflix’s The Witcher isn’t discomforting, but akin to seeing a Triple-A slugger try to imitate a Major League stud.
Granted, he gets the gruff voice right and isn’t a small fella, but the switch is so evident. He’s not trying too hard as Geralt, but there’s something missing from his work. The title character of the show isn’t even the true star, yet part of an ensemble party, so the task isn’t as dire for a replacement. Still, it’s subpar work… again.
Writer’s Note: I’ve only watched two episodes of the new season. The dude could turn on the Hackman at any moment, but I highly doubt it. Thankfully, the rest of the cast kicks ass.
ALTON LOVES SQUARE PIZZA
Score one for the Midwest pizza family, because one of the world’s most likable and known food enthusiasts loves the pizza that is cut into squares. In a recent video, he tested out two institutions that serve up the style: Elicia’s and Imo’s. First thing, hearing the guy trying to decide how to pronounce the latter word is a reason to watch in itself.
Granted, the pizzas weren’t fresh and had been sitting on a table waiting to die for most likely an hour or more, Brown dug into both and found the Elicia’s box to be his favorite. It’s not surprising considering the fact that it’s more of a plain version of STL style, and can be enjoyed even as it becomes more rubbery. Imo’s, especially their deluxe, needs to be enjoyed at a certain temp… as in recently out of the even or just don’t at all.
The crispy bacon, peppers, onions, and overflowing provel can’t be waited on. You need to treat that pizza like a lady! Don’t make her wait before you eat her!
I did find out that the exact ingredients behind the famous (or infamous) cheese is smoked cheddar, swiss, and provolone. Now I know what I have to do in order to Frankenstein that product in the kitchen. Brown is a good dude and doesn’t like just anything, so the appreciation was extra genuine. Provel is my favorite cheese. Guilty as charged for me is sitting on the couch watching a Michael Mann movie eating one of those Schnucks-sold Imo’s cheese containers of provel ropes. That’s heaven to me.
CHAIM BLOOM HIRES A BUFFA
Welcome to the St. Louis Cardinals, Jacob Buffa. Formerly with the Astros, he will serve as the senior director of international scouting for the Cards. Buffa was one of several organizational hires by the team in a trend that will spell the next few years.
You’re going to see more player salary cutting and more player development hiring during this rebuilding period for the team. The team will finish under .500, but aren’t exactly sleeping at the wheel with a no-bullshit artist like Bloom. He refuses to cater to the old front office’s ways, and that will extend into a situation like the Yadier Molina coaching hire debate. I’ll get into that in the next article, but let’s just say that Bloom’s handling of that offers a preview of how he’ll operate moving forward. “Leave the nostalgia, take the initiative” if you know what I mean.
Good luck, Mr. Buffa. I don’t know if we’re related, but do a good job and make the name stand tall.
MAX SCHERZER MAKES HISTORY
Once he throws the first pitch in tonight’s Game 7 of the World Series, the Chesterfield native and Missouri Tiger alum will join Bob Gibson in a small group of pitchers who have started two winner-take-all World Series Game 7s. Scherzer arguably takes the crown for most successful STL born athletes.
After being paid by the New York Mets to pitch elsewhere last year, Scherzer collected $16 million this season to put in some rough work. In 17 starts, he compiled a 5.19 ERA and even found it hard to strike people out. I doubt he’s been 100% healthy for quite some time, and the compensation shows.
But he had a solid ALCS, and now has a chance to deny the mighty Los Angeles Dodgers another crown to add to their over budget legacy. The Dodgers don’t care about a luxury tax, blowing past it with ridiculous spending yet stellar player development. Scherzer can put a dent in their plans, and give Canada a win. Do it for John Candy, Max.
SPEND TIME WITH STRONG WOMEN
Call this the advice section of the latest potpourri batch of opinions. Spend some time with a woman who treats you like a million bucks, but also wants to be around you. Something I told my son as he befriended a girl in his class this school year. Whether it’s a girlfriend or someone you like or both, spend time with them. You’ll come away stronger, better, and more ready.
This year has been a quarterback sack on repeat for me, and there have been times where I didn’t feel like leaving home. Human beings don’t need actual prison cells to think about their predicament. We do that just fine ourselves. But women know something men don’t, so it’s important to stick close to them when they allow it.
I spent time with a lovely and strong woman this past week. It was nice. That’s all I’ll say for now about that.
Have a good evening. Consider becoming a paid subscriber in order to get the next one. But if you are a free subscriber, stick around and let me earn that next level. It’s only $6 for a month of work. Find a friend and do a group rate.