5 things on my mind: It's definitely not Sonny in St. Louis

I discuss the back nine, the warm bottle of beer, and the tenderness of Amazon.

Jeff Roberson / Associated Press

That was just to get you to click over. I don’t know shit about golf, even if I wish I was Kevin Costner in Tin Cup. A warm bottle of beer is only good for your worst enemy, and only Amazon Prime gives me tenderness these days, in the form of Jason Statham action films. That was all just to get you to click. As I download a fresh can of the delicious afternoon mistress that I call Coke Zero, let’s wash away the miseries of our Tuesday with five quick takes.

As St. Louis Jewish Light digital content maestro, Jordan Palmer, used to say, “a nice snackable” is what I have this morning. Let’s start with some saddening news for St. Louis Cardinals fans.

5) Down goes Sonny!

Here’s the thing, Cards fans. Sonny Gray will miss a few weeks with this mild hamstring tear. The good news is that if it’s indeed a grade 1 tear, the strength won’t be lost and Gray can get right back to building his pitch count back up. Mobility is the roadblock. The season is still three weeks-ish away, so there’s time to overcome and get back in the mix. It’s a mere setback.

This is a chance for Zack Thompson and Matthew Liberatore to state some legitimacy with purpose. The first week of the season may see the Cards without their ace, so all hands on deck. The last thing you need is usually what happens around St. Louis camp.

4) They’re not getting Monty or Snell

The Cards are too close to the $200 million threshold to roll the dice and dip over the mark. If they haven’t signed former Cardinal Jordan Montgomery or Blake Snell by now, a hamstring strain isn’t pulling the trigger. It would be nice and a big boost to the rotation, Gray down or not, but don’t hold your breath.

Per Fangraphs, the payroll sits around $185 give or take a Brett Cecil salary amount, and there’s no Scott Boras discount on the way. A trade makes more sense, but I wouldn’t bet on that happening.

3) Kung Fu Panda deserves more credit

With three very successful movies that all scored very high critically, the franchise should garner more respect. With a fourth one coming out next week with a new set of directors and a monstrously talented voice list, the Jack Black-led animated juggernaut could keep on running for decades. Fans and critics get wise to film series that stay too long or grow a little long in the tooth.

The power of Black and the lightness (and crisp 94-minute runtimes) all contribute to an experience that doesn’t ask the movie fan to think much or prepare for six sequels. This is the first Kung Fu Panda film in eight years. I watching Kung Fu Panda 4 tonight, and will have a full take next week. For now, much respect to a steady, and very funny, beast.

2) The dynamite snack I can eat all day

Peanut butter-stuffed pretzels. A form of protein and salty carb that doesn’t harm the stomach and can quench hunger faster than most snacks. If I didn’t bring lunch to work, a half-tub of these could do the trick. Speaking of which, I need to go eat some of these right now so let’s hurry up the end of this quickie.

1) A quick word for all the drivers who think they’re Ari Gold

Put. The. Phone. Down. Nobody cares what you think or needs to hear it while you fly down the highway at 75 mph in a 60-mph limit zone. Box truck seating allows for so much spying, so I see it all day. Typing while twisting through two lanes on a busy morning commute while choosing IG filters.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel *mostly* fine. Goodnight.