5 Things On My Mind: Overdoing the remakes, Cam Fowler, and 'Anora' energy
Saturday is drenched in cold rain, so let's get into it.
1) DRINK WITH JORDAN
First off, a hat tip to my writing mentor and good friend, Jordan Palmer aka
, for joining the Substack community. A little over ten years ago, he let a scrappy young writer join the KSDK digital writing team. The platform changed things for me and made us friends for life. Palmer contributes to STL Magazine and runs the digital team over at St. Louis Jewish Light, another place where we worked together (and I was introduced to the wonderful Ellen Futterman).Drink 314 puts the right beer, adult beverage, and place to enjoy them in your hand with each post. I’d sign up and donate a few shekels to this golden Midwest mensch. I’m proud to know him and continue to learn from him. Writing pals don’t populate or endure as well over the years due to careers and egos clashing, so peeps like Jordan that always have your back and push you with their writing deserve a shoutout. Shoutouts are nice. The next time the bartender asks what you’re having, order a strong IPA and spiritually put a smile on my buddy’s face. Get a taste of his work:
2) WELCOME TO TOWN, MR. FOWLER
The St. Louis Blues acquired the 33-year-old defenseman in a Saturday morning transaction that robs Anaheim of their longest tenured player. Akin to Ryan Suter, who has played well in his first season with the Blues, Fowler is a grinder who gives the team pain meds during Nick Leddy’s apparently extended time away. He’s a stretch pass savant who needs new surroundings to relocate the minutes-eater and Lady Byng-type individual who helps stabilize a mid-tier team like St. Louis.
Classic Doug Armstrong striking like a cobra when a move was necessary. The glass around Armie’s trade persona may be chilled, but it produces some sort of flavor every time you take a sip. Remorseless and forever cunning, I want to kick him in the ass for certain moves but can never get too angry with him.
I haven’t felt this excited to be a Blues fan since the team’s lips were still Cup-drunk. In the abyss of Craig Berube’s tenure and Drew Bannister’s carryover to Jim Montgomery’s new era, it’s been a ride. But it’s the Blues who have the most stability in St. Louis sports when it comes to their present and future. Armstrong, Alexander Steen, and Monty at the helm for the next 5-10 years.
As Logan said in the spring, let’s fucking go! Now, win the next two games.
3) SEAN BAKER’S LATEST PROMISES UNCUT GEMS-TYPE ENERGY
Truth be told, I am not a big fan of Baker’s work. The laidback, minutes dropping pace of his grounded humanistic tales get my respect but don’t always get my love, so the hype surrounding Anora had me intrigued and stopping at an arm’s reach. No matter what the purists tell you, it’s hard NOT to be subjective with movie and television tastes. Our time is a piece of China waiting to break, so choosing wisely within the surplus of today’s entertainment stream is key to avoiding something that just makes you shrug.
Starring the live wire that is Mikey Madison (she took a can to the face from Brad Pitt in a Q.T. joint), this Baker tale never stops moving its feet for 140 minutes. Madison’s Ani is a call girl who meets a rich, young Russian kid in a nightclub one night, and finds herself married a week or so later. The whirlwind Brooklyn to Vegas and back romance hits a snag when Russian suits and thugs show up demanding an annulment.
What starts out as one mood of a movie turns into another more interesting one in its final 90 minutes. The story gains real time traction as a vehicle full of misfit toys searches the biggest city in the states for Ivan, Ani’s new hubby who suddenly goes missing. Madison has the attitude, screen presence, and a man-kneeling stare that will only get better with more roles like this. She’s a force of fucking nature.
The supporting cast gives Baker’s latest a great boost, though. Karren Karagulian is a poor man’s Michael Clayton, fixing a mess that keeps recalibrating inside a 24-hour cycle. Yuri Borisov’s Igor has softer eyes than his hands; he forms something with Ani that takes two hours to marinate. The movie moves and operates like the Safdie Brother masterpiece, Uncut Gems. A cinematic Red Bull with an oxy dropped down inside, Anora moves at a similar rate and deserves the awards buzz.
4) PIT BULLS MAY BE BIG, BUT THEY’RE GIANT PRINCESSES TOO
Before I started composing this latest buffet dose shot straight from the hip, Leeroy required a special escort out to the backyard for his daily late morning piss. After three failed attempts to go out alone, it took his beloved daddy and an umbrella to get him to pee. That’s the latest reason in the dogs turning the tables on humans, making them their forever servants. To this pit bull, I’m Steve fucking Rogers in a shiny Captain America suit. Soaking it up is the best option.
Think about it. There aren’t many people, if any, who love you as much as your dog loves you. Their entire world and motive is defined by serving and protecting us. In the process, we crawl into their palm and never leave. Leeroy Bernthal Cucumber Jenkins Buffa may be big and tough, but he’s a big softie when it comes to rain.
5) NO THANKS ON AN AMERICAN PSYCHO REMAKE
Better yet, stop remaking movies all together. Along with sequels, these things are the credit card that Hollywood studios keep maxing out with every passing year. Most of the time, they suck or leave a bad taste in the original’s mouth. Indiana Jones rode for too many sequels. The Fast have been furious for too long. But it’s remakes that are slowly killing cinema, particularly useless remakes of great movies.
American Psycho is a great movie. A Taxi Driver riff that works due to Christian Bale’s shit-eating homicidal tendencies and a script that sleeps in its wicked bed, the Patrick Bateman tale was released in 2000. So, 25 years later and it’s time to rewrite the recipe? Some would argue it’s longer than one thinks. My question is simple: Why?
Austin Butler is a fine actor, but he won’t do it better than Bale. The latter could act circles around the guy who is still trying to get rid of an Elvis accent that stuck too hard. Butler should be training for Heat 2, because he would make a good younger version of Chris Shiherlis. Could he create anything better than Bale’s mad man smashing a man’s head in while celebrating a Huey Lewis song? Nope.
Luca Guadagnino’s movies may be overrated, but I appreciate their organic appeal. Stick to that, Luca. Make an Avengers movie with Timothee Chalamet.
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