5 things that need to happen at the Oscars tonight

Let Conan do his thing and a few other demands from The Film Buffa.

Stop whining about how long the show is! The Oscars happen once a year, folks, so don’t cry about the length of tonight’s show. If it runs three or four hours, don’t fuss. You have a whole year to get ready for it again. It would be like asking the Super Bowl to speed up a little. Respect or disrespect the big night, but this is the Oscars for Hollywood. The one thing that annoys the shit out of me are the ones who want it to be shorter.

Run times of movies can be debated all night. Let The Academy Awards breathe a little. That’s one of the demands or things that need to happen tonight. Let it go long and do its thing. Here are four other things I want to see happen tonight.

~Demi Moore wins for The Substance.

Give her that award, voters. Don’t be the sly asshats who give her every other award on the circuit and then snub the big one. She made that movie happen and deserves the honor of that stage. Everybody passed her up or forgot how good she was before this movie. The body horror sci-fi drama was something fierce and weird, but Moore grounded it. Give it the damn gold.

~Ralph Fiennes wins for Conclave.

How on Earth does this man not have an Oscar yet? Like Gene Hackman holding serve with Tom Hanks and Daniel Day Lewis, Fiennes could easily stand among those giants. Looking it up made me think a win for Schindler’s List was in order, where he played an evil German officer in the Holocaust. The most evil of them all. He can also play an innocent Cardinal stuck in the middle of a politically charged vote for a new Pope in Conclave. Ed Berger’s film handed Ralph the ball and let him take it up the court. Without him, the supremely well cast film wouldn’t be as powerful as it is.

Great performance. Overdue actor. With no offense to the great Colman Domingo or Adrien Brody, Fiennes deserves this one.

~Get the In Memoriam right!

We know Hackman won’t be forgotten, but get all the creators in the reel who died this past year. The organizer has one damn job, so get it right. Actors and directors whom the majority of moviegoers know were left off in recent years, including Lance Reddick. Please, spare us the live orchestra display with violins and glitz. Instead, find a good piece of movie music and let that play over a series of clips. Go old school, Academy.

~Let Conan roam free like a true comedian!

Don’t place him in a PG-13 arena with no one to fire darts at--allow the seasoned funny man who carved his persona out on stage as a comedian and then enjoyed a long career on the late night show circuit. He is hilarious without having to be political. O’Brien can roast an actor without having to cause an uncomfortable silence in the crowd. If there’s a possibility for physical humor, let him do it. If he flew into the Kodak Theater on a bungee cord, that would be great.

Make it fun. Make it unique. Let Conan roam free.

That’s all I have. Tomorrow, the Oscar talk dies and the new movie year truly begins.