A few words about Andy Frisella

The awful comments don't erase the good he's done; it just reveals a cruel belief.

Your good will be weighed right along with your bad in the end. While I don’t believe in a specific god or any eternal resting place, I do believe in that. I’ll admit there’s something waiting for us at the end of the line. A quick, general overlook of our contributions before being tossed into a dark void or a long-term cafeteria with the rest of our dead comrades.

When Andy Frisella reaches the gates, he should be condemned for the batch of awful that crawled out of his mouth recently. The 1st Phorm co-owner hosts a podcast with the most BRO CODE title, “Real AF,” where he cuts up the latest existential crisis rugs with co-hosts and cohorts who drink up every word that spills from his mouth. In a recent episode, he talked about the aggressiveness of police—especially female officers who pull over and have interactions with male suspects.

Frisella thinks female officers treat males with a certain ruthlessness, a complete shutdown of their overly testosterone-fueled manhood. He spoke about the idea that none of them should be police officers, and that without that badge and gun, one could easily kill them by placing their fist through their chest. Paraphrasing in only the slightest of cases, he’s not a fan of female cops.

That’s too bad, Andy. Now, before I get into why his comments and follow-up lame apologies say something permanent about him that never should have seen the light of day, let’s get something straight. Cops, both male and female, do cross the line. There are bad eggs in every batch of employment, but it’s prevalent in the police force industry. It just is, like it or not, defend against it or accept it. It’s far from all cops and not even 50%, but it’s consistent.

Almost everyone has experienced an interaction with a cop that wasn’t satisfactory, or unsavory. However, the people who think all or most cops are like this, especially the boneheads who think it’s mostly female, are so wrong. These are the kind of people who weren’t held enough as a child, or didn’t make the varsity team or couldn’t hang with the cool kids. Somewhere along the line, Frisella was rattled by an encounter with a female officer, and had to let this rant out.

Ranter to ranter, pal, some things just need to stay quiet. You run the risk of sounding like a blowhard moron who loves generalities. That’s where Frisella got in trouble, casting a net over ALL female cops instead of just one or two. Instead of whining about the extra force from the ladies in uniform, he could have broken down or described a particular interaction that was sour or went bad. In the end, Andy may have retained the sympathy vote. As is, he retained nothing but losses for his company.

Sal Frisella, the other half of 1st Phorm ownership, came out and tried to speak over his bro’s nasty comments. Andy came out with two apologies, each sounding like a manufactured retort from a public relations professional instead of his heart. As the great Bill McClellan wrote yesterday, a simple apology is hard to give these days. It’s harder to find than someone on the FBI’s most wanted list. Frisella screwed up by not flat out saying sorry for his wretched comments.

They were bad, something even his most loyal supporters and friends will admit to anyone who isn’t standing next to social media. He said some bad things, especially the idea of fatally harming a female cop. Someone being a little butthurt is one thing. Ranting about it to a national audience is unkind and quite unwise. I agree that we are all entitled to certain edgy beliefs that don’t sit well with others. I’ll also agree that those edgy beliefs should be kept secret.

I’ve never encountered a mean female cop, or someone who was trying to make things worse. Here’s an example. When I was driving the delivery truck for Crescent last year, cruising down Clayton Road near their police department, I had a sudden panic rush over me. Did I close the door before I left the residential neighborhood? If not, everyone’s getting free plumbing. Hurried and out of sorts, I pulled into the Clayton Police Department parking lot. It wasn’t on purpose, only the nearest one.

As I got out and checked, a cop car pulled in behind me. I’m blocking the whole street. All the thoughts run through my head, especially the ways I could be in trouble. Slowly yet surely, I walked up to the cop car to explain that I was double-checking to see if my truck door was closed. The window rolls down to reveal a young female cop, holding only smiles. I spoke, she kept smiling, and we wished each other a happy day.

Right then and there, she had every opportunity to give me shit or create a situation. How would you feel if this big, burly dude with a beard was walking up towards your work cruiser? I get that my appearance can be as settling as a bad scene from a Fast and Furious movie. Still, she handled it with grace and patience. I drove on, and she returned to the office after a ride around town.

The permanent part of Frisella’s beliefs, the nasty side, is what made its way out on that podcast. It doesn’t erase all the good that he and 1st Phorm has done for individuals, companies, etc. That doesn’t go away, because Andy isn’t the entire company; he’s one man with some crooked ideals. Attacking 1st Phorm long-term wouldn’t be a wise option, because everyone there doesn’t think this way.

Letting Frisella off easy isn’t something I’ll do though. He believes the things he says, most of it at least. We wouldn’t let off a cop easily for saving a life and then going home to smack his wife and kids around. The bigger problem is he isn’t alone in these thoughts. Plenty of people, mostly men, believe women shouldn’t be cops and carry a stigma around just like the pack of asshats who think women shouldn’t work in sports or government. It speaks to that part of the country that just won’t die.

Frisella’s comments are an unfortunate reminder that certain people can’t get a dinosaur-type mentality out of their head. Whether it’s insecurity or something deeper, they can’t handle a woman with some power over them. That’s the whole deal, folks. Poor Andy felt pushed around at some point.

Remember, Andy, if you ever find yourself on the side of the road: You did something wrong to get there, and should be a good boy to that female cop. Keep your wretched thoughts to yourself, because it’s only bad for the ballclub (1st Phorm) and everyone who has to hear it. I understand the good he has done. I also understand the words out of his mouth don’t just disappear with a couple of lackluster apologies.

Moral of the story: Be better than Andy Frisella’s take on female cops.