A series of thank you notes

Dear John Mozeliak, this is Mr. Second Guesser.

Saying thanks is a way of paying the past some respect and thinking ahead, all at the same time. As I ran across old emails and DOB links, an article link to a series of nice (and not so nice) thank you notes were expressed in a "Here's What I Know" article. So, why not step back into that unfiltered/don't care zone and dish out some fresh perspective, and maybe some thank yous?

WRITER WARNING: There will be some profanity. Please get over it. I'll never understand people who spew it out of their mouth but upon reading the same words on a website spelled out in an article suddenly think of it as treason or something. Get over yourself and appreciate the FUCKS. They are exclamation points in disguise.

Let's get going. But first, a few words about subscribing for these goods.

Thank you, John Mozeliak, for always being intriguingly cryptic with your comments and answers. Best poker face in baseball. Not every President of Baseball Operations/The Senior General Manager can be so coy hours or days before pulling off a trade for a person you said we were out of talks with. Also, kudos to you for finally providing some trade deadline action that benefited the team. Do that again next year, and the next. It's all about how you spend it. Less Brett Cecils and Dexter Fowlers, and more Jordan Montgomerys and Jose Quintana type deals.

Thank you, Doug Armstrong, for not even offering David Perron a fucking contract. The guy picks your team up for portions of several seasons stretched across nearly a decade, and you decide to let him walk for a fourth time. He's getting better with age, and may have accepted LESS to stay in St. Louis instead of moving to moody Detroit. He sounded like a player being kidnapped in his departure tweet. If the team comes up 25-30 goals short of being something this year, it's on you and a TIGHT cap. 

Thank you, Warner Brothers Studios, for deciding to take a giant shit on St. Louis. We're not getting any BLACK ADAM screenings. People who don't care for The Rock and his brand of entertainment don't give a shit. Outside of those four people, we all want to see it here in the Midwest. Other cities got to screen it, but not St. Louis. Is it because we erroneously awarded "Joker" one of our worst movies in 2019? That wasn't the reflection of all critics, but you didn't seem to care. 

Oh, and we had to fight for that screening. If you want to fracture HBO Max to get that Discovery Channel money, that's fine. If you want St. Louis film critics to review and consider your films come voting time, give us screenings. Back to Netflix I go. 

Thank you, fellow driver, who wants to row his car down the road like a slow boat. Please take the next available intersection to "Be a better driver" town. If the clock doesn't read EARLY Sunday morning, keep that "Driving Ms. Daisy" crap at home. Go the speed limit or drive around your block a few times while reading the newspaper out loud. You can't get any space between "too fast" and "too slow" on the roads--a place where human beings naturally set their moods on fire. Mix in with the flow of traffic, or work on being a better driver. 

*EDITOR'S NOTE: This isn't relegated solely to old people. 

Thank you, steely security guard in the downtown cantina Schnucks. I know you have to give everyone the kiss of death stare when they come in from work to grab lunch or dinner-most likely due to the amount of low lives who populate downtown 24/7-but table it on occasion. Maybe give off a smile every other Wednesday. Shake things up. Don't make yourself more scary than the homeless guy outside selling dogecoin stock in 1997 Nikes. 

Thank you, AMC Esquire 8 Theaters. I appreciate you keeping the monstrous main auditorium open all these years. I like the spacious seating too, so I don't have to hear my breathing and the three other people's breathing around me. It's far better than Plaza Frontenac, where you get an idea of the neighboring person's shoulder strength inside a single movie. Spacey seating is better right now than Spacey the actor. 

Thank you, professionals who still manage to wear a t-shirt and jeans to work. It's my dream to not have to wear fancy clothes so fellow human being clients understand I'm not the dogecoin hobo from across the street. I get the business casual label and the fear of Linus walking into a client meeting wrapped in a blanket, but I don't have to like it. My face is conviction, everyone. A button-up shirt is overkill and feels like my entire body is being strangled. Money's good though. 

Thank you, Taylor Sheridan, for making entertaining and thought-provoking movies and TV shows that all manage NOT to suck. That's impressive work, especially when covering both cinematic and television fronts. Wind River, Sicario, Hell or High Water, Yellowstone, Mayor of Kingstown, Those Who Wish Me Dead, and more. Taut storytelling is his forte.

Thank you, Vinny Buffa. Before I graduated back into the day job blues-it had been nearly eight years-I was Mr. Mom, a freelance writer, and an Uber driver. In other words, I kept the same hours as Mick Jagger, but I was able to feed the pets. With my day job and a 4pm feed time for the tiny creatures who don't do shit all day, my son had to fall in and up his chores. In the nearly four weeks since, he's been a maverick at the task. All those years of watching over him and teaching him how to wipe his ass paid off. 

Thank you, people who actually read my work. The ones who CLICK the link and READ more than the headline and opening graph. Screw your short attention span theater excuses. Put on some underwear and do some reading if you're going to click. I don't get paid for clicks; my writer's heart likes nice things said about his work. Or, read it all and give me a good roasting. Either way, I appreciate the effort from those that do read. 

Thank you, cheap coffee from Walmart. Great Value means tasty, affordable java to me. I don't need fancy regular coffee. My cup of joe doesn’t have to wear a tuxedo; just give me the caffeination. Ladies and gents, it’s the little things in life.

Thank you, Tyler O’Neill. If you didn’t get hurt for 30-50 games every year, maybe the team would have pushed past the first round of the playoffs. Before you walk in front of a podium and demand to be paid after one solid season in your career, do it again a few times. Stay healthy, dead lift Prius’ less, and stick around more. It’s not your fault that Cardinal Nation falls harder than a freshman after one exhilarating season. I’m just giving thanks.

Thank you, Colton Parayko. Instead of trying to be something you’re not, you stick to your Canadian guns. It’s not your fault Chris Pronger and Garth Butcher played with a reckless abandon on the ice while delivering plays. You do you, #55. The defense, against half of Blues nation’s wishes, belongs to you now. You have the longest term contract on the team. You’re not going anywhere, so improve while remaining yourself on the ice. If not, we’ll be on you like white on rice. No pressure.

Thank you, Rachel Imperiale Buffa. To say I am a handful is an understatement. My wife cranks out 60-hour work weeks, takes care of our massive pool in the backyard, fixes everything in the house, and takes care of 7 kids (5 pets, one kid, one adult child). She’s amazing and doesn’t get slowed down by a cold, or asshole customers. She’s the toughest five-foot-two human I know, and also my favorite person in the world.

Thank you, Coke Zero. I didn’t think the idea of soda-consumption would reenter my mind at 40, but sometimes you don’t see a taste train coming at your face when adulting is the highest order. Coming in hot with zero calories and without the aspartame stomach ache, Coke Zero allows me to revisit my childhood of crushing Cokes at my grandparent’s house on Bancroft Avenue. You can’t overdo it, but soda has reentered my life and Coke got there before Pepsi.

Thank you, Liam Neeson, for finally deciding to do a comedy. After 35 forgettable action thrillers, following the very good “Taken” and the better-than-it-should-have-been “Run All Night,” Neeson is in talks to star in a reboot of "Naked Gun.” No one should expect him to eclipse Leslie Nielsen’s work in the original series, but it’s a sage pivot from what he was doing.

Alright, that’s enough thanks for now. Hug your family and friends. Do it often. Life has a way of breaking plans, so get all the hugs in. If we take away hugs, this existence will start to suck. That’s all I have.