Albert Pujols and 700 homers: Could it happen in 2022?

He's swinging a big bat, and the competition is quite weak. Let's dive in.

The calendar and clock may have read Aug. 14, 2022 yesterday but a certain cast member suddenly looked like a reborn relic unleashing greatness on the field of play again.

Over twenty years ago, Albert Pujols became appointment level television. When he stepped to the plate, phones were put down and tasks were set aside. Laundry stopped being folded and was thrown into a pile. Dinner was turned down to a simmer. Shortly after Mark McGwire’s knees disabled his appointment TV time, Pujols stepped in and took over, putting on a show that lasted eleven years. Like all great things, it ended.

This year, 21 years after his eruption in the Major Leagues, Pujols returned to St. Louis on a one year contract--but few could write with a pen how effective he would be. The mystery of his offensive projections, though, were immediately stomped by the sheer intrigue of seeing #5 on the field again in the right shade of red (not those LA Angels recyclable rags). One could say things were going well before Sunday happened.

Sunday is when it hit a high note. Facing off against the division rival Milwaukee Brewers in a game that had “must win” printed over it, Pujols saved his biggest fly of the season for the bottom of the eighth. After Dylan Carlson broke the 2-2 tie with a solo homer himself, Pujols came to the plate a little while later with two runners on and more damage to be collected.

Having already homered in the second inning to chop Milwaukee’s early 2-0 lead in half, Pujols decided to pack the kids into the car and put the game to sleep before the Brewers could build a comeback. At the time of blast #2, the Cardinals had a slim 3-2 lead that felt like a stick of butter on a hot summer street. Pujols sealed the game and series with one swing; the effect that fewer hitters than people think can have.

At the age of 42, Pujols can still break a team in half with one vicious cut. It’s so dynamic of a swing that I found myself replaying the epic blast over and over these past 24 hours since the murder of that baseball. The front leg lifts and sets itself back down in place as the back leg twists into a thunderous base that leaves a catcher’s head in his hands and 46,000+ to their feet.

Jeff Roberson/AP Images

What we’re seeing here is greatness reborn, right before our eyes on a baseball field that he helped build with the first half of his career. Look, 2001-05 was sweet action but it’s the 06-11 period where the legend became cemented in this city’s minds for eternity. The man continues to shred lefties like provel cheese, and they aren’t just-over-the-wall types either. Pujols is wanted for the murder of ten baseballs, and those are only the ones that counted.

Can he make it to 700 in 2022? I think his chances are no longer sitting next to far-fetched. With eleven homers left to collect in the final 48 games of the season, I would say he’s in a great position. Let’s go to Kyle…. Freeland, who starts Tuesday’s game for the Colorado Rockies against St. Louis at Busch. Pujols is red hot. He’s probably in the catch at his home smacking baseballs all over a tiny part of St. Louis county. He’s trimming his beard-goatee like every 45 minutes, clipping stray hairs like unkempt fastballs left over the heart of the plate.

What were you thinking, Taylor Rogers? Hornsby, you definitely are not. Did you think Pujols was just going to watch it sail by? He punished it harder than that MMA fighter punished that Jackass Forever cast member’s testicles with a single punch. He punished it harder than I punished fajita nachos last week. He punished it harder than Holy Elle punishes a squat, or some creep on Twitter. Pujols punished that baseball with an authority that brings to mind Mike Tyson in his prime, before Evander Holyfield tamed him.

It was a sight that I missed. Co-hosting a “back to school” swim party requires time in the actual pool and not attached to radio or television. It’s quite glorious if you can give it the time. I watched Carlson’s homer on a bathroom/snack break, and missed Pujols by a matter of minutes. The replay doesn’t decrease the effect, I assure you.

After hitting Gone Special #2 of the day, Pujols made an emphatic gesture on his way to first base that nearly made Busch collapse on itself. Ripping apart his arms from the middle of his chest, he reportedly proclaimed, “this is our house.” And in this house, the Cards don’t get pushed around. At least not in Aug. 2007, oops, 2022.

I can’t believe there were souls against this signing. Two of my Twitter followers told me they opposed it so much, they handed their season tickets back. Can you believe that? This isn’t calling them out. It’s asking for a legit reason. Sink or swim, 2022 shouldn’t hinge on the Pujols deal being a success. This is icing on the legendary AP5 cake that you won’t find anywhere else.

This could very well be it. Pujols is proverbially emptying the tank for the final six weeks of the season. Effort, preparation, and sheer willpower won’t be the reason he fails to reach #700 this summer; only better pitchers will be the likely wall that holds him off. Don’t forget the rest of the schedule is mostly against less than average teams, including the cashing-in-in Central division foes who will most likely employ Triple-A arms next month. Oh boy!

Imagine this before I let you go. Pujols collecting 7-0-0 on the final home game of the regular season, and clinching the division with the game-winning shot. Don’t even tell me it can’t happen. Just look at the last calendar year of Cardinals baseball, starting with that unbelievable win streak.

Pujols along for the ride has only helped this team this season. At $2.5 million, he’s already met that mark. Reaching 700 would also mean a 21 home run season, the 19th time he would reach at least 20 home runs in a season. It just seems rare.

That’s Jose Alberto Pujols. Rare.