Buffa's Buffet: Jamie Rivers is the right hire, Blues fans

A 1991 Bruce Willis gem, lifting instead of laying pipe, and more in the weekly buffet.

It’s… almost the damn weekend, also known as impending vacation for this guy. I’m overworked, brain-fried, and ready to disconnect like a missing smartphone charger. This time next week, I’ll be corralling waves with my dad and two uncles. Life will slow down, the clock will cease to matter, and the weight will lessen.

Or, maybe I come back with more firepower and vigor than ever. Either way, here are five things on my mind as Thursday powers down and Friday waits ahead.

5) Hop in the elevator, Mr. Rivers

After his playing days in the NHL came to an end, I remember hearing Jamie Rivers’ name for the first time in a minute at the Family Arena in St. Charles. He was coaching the Chill, a Central Hockey League team that played during the 2013-14 season. As the years passed by, he moved to radio and flourished.

101.1 ESPN has put him to great use, easing mid-afternoon shift-enders like myself into the comfort zone of evening relaxation on the Fast Lane. Rivers has also found increasingly more work over at Bally Sports Midwest on the pregame and postgame shows. He’ll be taking those talents to the lower level of the ice, filling Darren Pang’s role as rink side analyst.

The move is neither surprising or a step down in talent in the position. Pang had energy and transcendent hockey takes; Rivers has a laid back yet direct style of discussion. He knows how to speak to all kinds of fans without losing their attention, and he can make a point without getting animated. Both bring different things to the table, but each are/will be successes.

4) Jordan Walker will be fine in the outfield

The young no-longer-a-prospect slugger has impressed many this season, and slowly but surely made strides in the outfield. They’re small steps, but not bad progression for a guy who spent too many minor league hours at the infield corner positions. Blame the Cardinals front office and their big, master plan again. Walker is going as fast as he can, each mistake being illuminated in a dismal season.

I’ll take the eleven home runs and .422 slugging percentage. He’s young and still uploading all of that fine talent. Think of what he’s offered the team while others have faltered. Walker is just 21 years old. What you see this year isn’t what he’ll be in two seasons. Be patient.

3) Cast iron pipe separates the pretenders from the tough souls

If you ever think about testing your complete strength, fetch some cast iron pipe. We’re not talking juggling a couple 90-degree, three-inch couplings; ten-foot pipe. Today, it was six-inch and four-inch; heavy and heavier, basically. Yes, waiting would have been smarter--but when you’re out in the shit, waiting and contemplating are second-rate ideas.

I want to get it done; Ditka that master plan later. Three pieces in, you start to feel a sensation of “are you kidding me” in your lower back. Lifting properly only gets you so far in the “keep lifting” desert of pain. It’s part of the job, but not something you see on the sheet at 6:30 a.m. and think happy thoughts about.

However, the double-edged sword of what makes me tick is that this kind of work is best for me, even if it does kick my ass. Every night around nine, I am just tommy-gunned by a sledgehammer.

2) Bruce Willis prime rib 90s movie

I started Last Boy Scout last night, and didn’t even get to see Bruce Willis punch Damon Wayans in the face. That was DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER Tony Scott filmmaking.

Poor Bruno. Our health is a wicked bitch who we marry on the first day of our life. I wish him the best of luck in health in his battle with dementia. He could have retired after those series of action lovebombs, but he reframed his entire career with moving performances in Pulp Fiction, Unbreakable, and The Sixth Sense. With The Whole Nine Yards and Fifth Element, he reminded folks of his first cinematic flavor: Comedy Bruce.

It took Robin Williams--a nasty disease that erases who you are and replaces it all with a stranger, all in slow motion. I hope Willis dances the jig over this thing’s demise with some medical miracle. Bet on life, because death has so many damn chips.

1) Bravo, Barbie

This week, it was revealed that Greta Gerwig’s summer megabomb at the box office has passed a Warner Brothers giant. Christopher Nolan was looking up at Gerwig’s film on opening weekend and every one since, and now his 2008 masterpiece sits below Barbie.

The Dark Knight *used to be* WB’s highest grossing domestic film. Barbie, a film that I tried to deny and lost, now owns that title. A welcoming sucker punch after Tom Cruise’s Top Gun: Maverick picked theaters off the floor last year. Gerwig’s genuine take on existentialism and “feeling it” offered something different this time, besting Cruise’s latest Mission and Harrison Ford’s Indiana Jones sendoff.

Proof that the movies can still sweep the collective nation off their field.

Go. See. Barbie. I’m going to see a woman with some very big… brains.