Buffa's Buffet, Vol. 82: Baseball dismay, 'Barbie' WTF mania, and family ties

The buffet is open, so grab a plate and get ready for cold yet honest opinions.

I respect Greta Gerwig, but who in the right mind asked for a movie called Barbie?

Margot Robbie and Ryan Gosling have better things to do, right? Such as Birds of Prey 2 and Blade Runner 2046. But they’re starring in a movie about plastic toys, in this case a movie about a doll that runs off with another doll in order to grasp the meaning of life. All I can say is the screenwriter was definitely smoking something special that night.

Ladies and gents, this is NOT a must-see film. No offense to Gerwig or the leads, but this looks awful. Another movie that will be released and create such a frenzy of conversation and political stances… all over a story of plastic toys finding their way. I’m seeing more and more movies that could have stolen my time even a few years ago, but look like a production to bypass until weeks later when it’s harmless to soak up 10-15 minutes on a streaming service. You don’t NEED to see anything.

Well, except for The Bear.

At the moment, I will be skipping Barbie and running off with Christopher Nolan’s Oppenheimer instead. Give me a bunch of people building a mega bomb that could end a World War, but also be their eventual undoing. Give me the roguely honest Cillian Murphy taking on the lead role of the famous scientist who changed the world with his genius. That sounds like an actual fucking movie, and not just… Barbie.

-Many Cards fans would take a ride with Ken instead of this year’s baseball team. They lost dirty again last night, blowing a 5-0 lead to collapse 8-7 later. Jordan Montgomery, the team’s most reliable pitcher, left the game and the rest of the team seemed to follow. The bullpen erupted in a bad way, and that was that.

Don’t hold your breath on THIS YEAR’s team making a comeback. A 3-0 win behind Miles Mikolas on Saturday sutures a cut or two, but doesn’t derail the narrative. As I stated in Friday’s more optimistic ramble, take away some key young players and cross your fingers for the future. The front office stares at this team’s pitching problem like an old person does at a smartphone they just bought right before sending that first text. They have no idea how to fix it, or develop the talent that Randy Flores gives them.

If Bill DeWitt Jr. doesn’t have any plans of selling the team, he can at least clean house. Start firing people. Be like Ari Gold, and use a massive water gun when you do it.

Now, imagine this. DeWitt Jr, Mozeliak, and Michael Girsch in a remake of Jaws: three perilous humans chasing down a big monstrous shark off the coast of a small town in Florida. Bow ties, California Pizza Kitchen receipts, suits, and excuses scattered all over the Amity waters. It almost works.

If there is one thing I’d take away from Thursday’s special one-time-only screening of Steven Spielberg’s 1975 classic, it’s the performance of Robert Shaw. When he comes on screen scratching that chalkboard horrifically at the town meeting, the movie picks up a notch. Playing the revered seaman who promises the head and tail of the notorious Great White Shark, the late actor climbed completely into that isolated personality.

The story he tells about the USS Indianapolis, a crew of thousands of American soldiers transporting a nuclear bomb on the water when their submarine broke down. The way Shaw’s face curdles and twists as he talks about the 1,100 men who didn’t make it home proves why his talent was missed upon his untimely death. He died three years after the release of Jaws, but his performance remains titanic 48 years later.

The source of that on screen pain came from a real place in his personal life. His dad committed suicide when he was only 12 years old, and his wife died under controversial means (too much of a potent medicine) as well. He remarried and was settling into a vacation when he had a sudden heart attack. Whether it was The Sting or the water classic, Shaw left a dent. I wonder what he would think of Barbie.

It’s Tom Hanks’ birthday today. Arguably cinema’s most versatile talent has played just about every person and role you could, and I can never get enough of his doomed hitman in Sam Mendes’ Road to Perdition. But people have most likely missed a lot of great Hanks films in the past 3-4 years.

One reason for that is due to the pandemic rerouting movie releases and studio ownership of certain movies. In 2020, he did a thrilling World War II submarine film of his own called Greyhound, about a sea captain taking his vessel over unprotected waters for a string of days during the war. The tension didn’t let up at all for the entire movie.

That was originally a Universal Pictures release, which then moved to Apple TV Plus after theaters shut down. Finch was an Apple Original movie about a dying man living in a post-apocalyptic world who builds a robot that can look after his beloved dog. Their journey across the modern badlands brings adventure and tragedy, but the movie played like a 90s thriller with heart and laughs.

News of the World, Paul Greengrass’s melancholy Civil War-set tale, garnered the most *Oscar* attention, even if it still seemed to drift from people’s focus. Hanks played a man who traveled across the world, informing the public of what was happening. When a mysterious girl crosses paths with the Captain, he takes it upon himself to get her home safe.

Hanks can be an action star, drama lead, comedy lead, and work in between the lines better than most. Happy birthday to him.

Here’s something inspiring that reminds you of the world’s small-ish scope at times. On Friday, I delivered plumbing supplies to Plumbers and Pipefitters Local Union 562 in Earth City. Just another stop when you look at the page actually means something more to me. That’s the same Local 562 that my grandfather, Louis Buffa, made a living at as a plumber. Decades later, I’m bringing them fittings and fixtures from a local company.

It was my mom’s dad, Lawrence Bulus, that I got my writing gene from. He wrote fishing and hunting stories with a conversational tone in a weekly column for a small newspaper in South St. Louis city. We pick up bits and pieces of our family members, the ones who blazed a trail before our landing was ever planned.

For my job, I get to deliver to a place that my dad’s father carved a living for, helping him start and grow a family. For my passion, I write with the same conversational rhythm as Larry. At 41, I’ve cornered the market on embracing the legacy of my two beloved papas. Corny maybe, but still cool.

See you next time. Be safe, kind, and stay alive.