Buffa's Buffet, Vol. 99: Walmart blues, Disney sabotage, and wireless headphone agony

The good, bad, and ugly must be spoken for. Oh, and Unforgiven still rips!

“I fucking hate Walmart.”

A fellow shopper couldn’t have put it better. There we were, stuck inside the department store Metropolis on a Saturday afternoon. Walmart is the place you get in and quickly get out of, before the masses can sweep you under. Every form of the human species is on display there: distressed, stuck in the hippie zone, crazy, very crazy, people most likely in witness protection. It’s all there.

Every weekend, it’s a disaster zone. During the holidays, it’s the Dawn of the Undead. People angrier, workers are more stressed, and leaving there with your bank account and sanity in check comes off as John McClane-type heroism. The woman next to me couldn’t find headphones. If she did, I would find a way to lose them.

Here’s the facts: I have owned three sets of wireless headphones. The new jazz that doesn’t require you to semi-strangle yourself at the gym if the cords get tangled up. The first was a set of air pods from Apple, a gift for reviewing and considering their movies for awards. I misplaced one of the pods. The second pair of Apple pods I purchased, and I lost the other earpod.

I went cheaper with the third pair, and they remain intact this afternoon. The only problem is I have misplaced the charging box that keepS them going. This is where the wife shakes her head, wondering how a husband can lose so many pairs of a device that he uses often.

She isn’t lying. I listen to them methodically, whether walking around the house blaring a film score as I sip coffee or while I drive the truck to a far-away location. Music pulls you out of a bad mood faster than any human can, so it’s a sense of uselessness that sits with me today. I have options with a cord and a pair that hasn’t been used, but this is a problem one can’t refuse.

If owning a pair of headphones meant being a parent to them, count me as bad as Liam Neeson’s character in the Taken movies.

I’m standing more balanced than Disney is, at least in the film department. During the pandemic, the lack of outside theater options allowed the streamers to go crazy with content and lock viewers into one-way streets to watch a movie. Disney Plus created a new world for families to consume their Marvel movies and animated classics, rendering a movie theater less valuable. Add in the additional $50 in concessions (at least) for a full family to see a Disney film in theaters, and you have the easy answer.

It’s not just an Apple/Disney issue. Warner Brothers Motion Picture Group shot themselves in the foot as well, releasing new films simultaneously on their streaming platform (then called HBO Max, now just Max) and theaters. Once again, you make the idea of going out to a theater less enticing when the film exists from your couch. The purists would disagree, but nostalgia doesn’t pay the bills.

The new reality is a Marvel film opens (The Marvels in this case), and performs well below expectations. Chalk it up to the streaming options producing a quick fix that becomes grating over time. Lazy is king, and I am a slave myself to the 2-3 clicks from a fresh movie allure of streamers. The future will include a hybrid world that doesn’t push theaters the way of the dinosaurs, but features a consumer world that is more picky than they used to be with their content.

Speaking of content, it’s the gift that keeps on giving for a sick person. When I was under the spell of a nasty stomach virus last weekend, streaming platforms were my best friend. One after another, the number became double digits before I actually got off the couch. Among the movies watched:

Up In The Air, Unforgiven, Killing Them Softly, Top Gun: Maverick, the Grumpy Old Men films, Uncle Buck, and more. The only good thing about being under the influence of a nasty sickness is the way it allows the brain to relax and enjoy some entertainment. No thinking required!

A rewatch of Clint Eastwood’s finest work in front of and behind the camera delivered the vintage Western revenge bliss that is sadly so hard to nail in Hollywood at the moment. Cowboys, violence, gunfights, and grief. Eastwood was the king of that town, and it shined bright in Unforgiven.

WHO’S THE OWNER OF THIS SHITHOLE?

WELL, I AM SIR…

BOOM! (SHOTGUN BLAST)

YOU JUST SHOT AN UNARMED MAN!

HE SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE DECORATING HIS BAR WITH MY BEST FRIEND.

I can confirm this: John Hughes movies do not lose their power, or humor, with time. The only cost is remembering how much you miss John Candy.

Since December has arrived, that means the annual awards voting has taken over my life, at least to the degree of what I get to watch. Albeit part-time these days, I still watch new films on the regular and review them. By this date most years, I would have passed the 100-film review mark. This year, I am only around half that.

Fuck it. I see what I see. The mental grind is legit. Screeners, discs and what not, come in the mail. There are around 10-15 screener links delivered daily, and the complexity revolves around what gets watched next. More so, do I really want to watch it? Consider it for sure, but watch and enjoy it in my free time? Sometimes, or a lot of the time, you don’t want to do any of it.

Rewatching movies is a golden pastime for me, so I get to do less of that for about 3-4 weeks a year. The rewards are plentiful, but the mind does get taxed.

Before I go, remember to stay out of other people’s lanes. If I can keep a box truck inside the two lanes, you can keep a car there. Do so, and we all get home safe. One thing seen too often on my day job are BAD accidents. Cars on their side, people trapped inside, and first responders scrambling. Does it intrude on my route and job? Yes. Does it make me wonder whose life just got shattered? Yes.

Being human. It comes with a limitless gift card of empathy.