People who claim Albert Pujols is older or juicing are missing the magic

It's a tale as old as time. Break something great down until you find dirt.

Sorry, Albert Pujols critics. He’s not using performance-enhancing drugs. He’s not 52 years old. If you believe these two things, go ahead and send proof to my email: buffa82@gmail.com, or my Twitter handles: @buffa82 or @STLSportsDesk. If you don’t have proof and just like being a nuisance, fuck off and be quiet.

There’s nothing worse than useless detractors: the ones who dig a grave when there is no need to dig one. People who can’t just sit back and enjoy the reborn legend of Pujols this summer in St. Louis. He’s hit 16 home runs in a part-time role, matching and exceeding even the highest expectations discussed after his signing in March.

More than half of Cards fans never thought #5 would get within five home runs of 700, a collection of home runs held by just three players in the history of Major League Baseball. I’d make a strong bet that the discussion of PED and his age wouldn’t be brought up unless the success happened. That’s how human beings work: wait for the good times, and then shit all over them.

The only proof on the internet that Pujols may not be a 1980 baby is a former executive with the Miami Marlins who washed out of his job due to being awful at it. David Samson is full of shit. Again, if he’s not, why didn’t Samson bring proof to the podcast he spit those words out on last year? If you don’t have legit proof of malice, forever jam the trap door on your lower face with something big.

Here’s the thing: If he’s somehow older than 42, that makes the last two seasons of success an even bigger story. The old man still has it. He’s smacked 33 home runs over the past two years in a combined 475 plate appearances, for the Dodgers and Cardinals. If he is pushing 50 or over, those hips and legs must be so strong. Superhuman even.

Jeff Curry/USA Today Sports

Except, he isn’t superhuman. Pujols is a legend for a reason, doing amazing things in this city eleven years after departing for the west coast. If there was a human period in his baseball career, it was shown with the Angels. St. Louis only knows him as a machine. Since he’s not doing this for the Cubs or Mets, people will attempt to cut that down. It’s only human nature, unfortunately, to rip roots out of the ground instead of planting more seeds.

If he’s dirty, or using an illegal drug, where’s the news? It’s not the era of “managers and GMs know it’s going on, but turn a blind eye” these days. Players get caught, are given 50-75 game suspensions, and embarrassed in the National news. If Pujols was doing this and there was even a shred of proof to assume it wasn’t legal, the baseball flies would swarm him instantly. Again, it’s only human nature to dig for dirt that doesn’t exist.

The birth certificate/drug-using baseball police are missing one helluva show. It’s so good, ESPN and the MLB Network are finding time for Cards highlights. The Red Sox, Aaron Judge, the Yankees, and Lebron James diet updates are on the back burner when Pujols goes deep. When he cracks 700, the suspicions about his age and what he puts in his body will be ultra-examined. Why? It’s only human… you get it.

He’s doing incredible things for a game that still needs every ounce of creativity and entertainment to be widely acknowledged by the masses. Instead of breaking out Timmy Trumpet to do “Hells Bells” for Ryan Helsley’s entrance, Pujols is smacking baseballs into the stands. No-doubt blasts that are watched 150,000 times or more inside a couple of hours.

After his latest home run, a late game pinch-hit no doubt smoke show that traveled 429 feet, people couldn’t get enough. MLB.com tweeted it out. Starting 9, a website that posted an article wondering about the cleanliness of AP’s drug screen, tweeted the HR. Jomboy Media was all over it.

It’s not like you watch a Pujols home run just once. You watch the swing and blast first, and then celebrate the little things before and after the hit. The surge of energy of the crowd and how they quiet down before the pitch. The post-HR look to the dugout, a locking of eyes between Pujols and Yadier Molina. The march around the basepaths. The hugs afterwards. The pepper grinder from Lars.

It all has to be savored. Except by the amateur records detectives. The detractors. The people who can’t appreciate a good thing. The never-ending reasons why good eggs can’t have nice things.

Put down the shovel, Pujols critics. He’s 42 and clean. If you think otherwise, bring forward your weak proof. Or put that down and take a look at history. A look at a legend being reborn under the September sun.

You’re missing quite a show.