South City Confessions: Why are people so mad and clueless on the road?

Asking questions that can never be properly answered; a Wednesday special.

Carlos Oliveras

Why are people so damn angry on the road? Couple that with the seemingly childlike brain function shown behind the wheel, and you have dangerous people out there. They’re all over, angry and disturbed by these things called rules. Without them, we’re animals. Just don’t tell a driver out there about these rules, because they’ve been abandoned.

Speed limits aren’t a suggestion, after all. Check with all those drivers carrying that face of shame as an officer walks back to his patrol car to ring up a fresh ticket. A big chunk out of your next paycheck, or your mom’s paycheck, and some points on the license, and for what? Going faster… all the way to the next traffic light. Speed limits aren’t starting points either. They’re actual limits; 30 doesn’t mean 40. Try explaining that to a cop.

“But officer, I was only going nine over the limit. That’s pretty good, all things considered.”

“Well, let’s just raise the speed to 39 instead of 30 then. That’ll do a whole lot of good, because then you’ll be going 48 in a 39. Here’s your ticket, dumbass.”

As Supertramp would say, give a little bit. The rest of this article is for paid subscribers, so help me feed my six pets and donate a few shekels to the cause. If not for me, do it for my pit bull.

People are so angry out there because they always place their drive in a rush zone, thus leading to those hyper speeds. It’s as if the standard way of travel must be ditched. If you’re in a bad mood before the drive begins, I’d suggest taking a few minutes to cool off. Brew a cup of decaf, shut off the phone, and hum your favorite son to the three pets staring at you. You’re not ready for traffic if something at your home pissed you off first. Just sit it out.

Cell phones are guilty in a lot of areas these days, such as bringing movie theaters to their knees and making waiting room stays less uncomfortable. You never saw someone staring at their beeper for eighty seconds after a light turned green. Cell phones are a major culprit in bad driving. You know those people on the road, the ones who have to get that text or post out before both eyes, or even one, can see the road. It’s an epidemic without an antidote or cure.

Social media also plays a big part. Once upon a time, I would suddenly be one of these assholes impersonating a New York Times reporter at Arsenal and Jamieson. Watch out, these stats need to be heard. No. Save it for later. Shut it down.

Here’s something I had to learn slowly but surely, aka the Sansa Stark style. No one cares what you think at that moment, not even Tom Cruise. In the middle of interstate 270 on Thursday morning? No one cares. Right there at the Page Avenue Westport turnoff? Nobody. Once again, save it for later. Go walk into QuikTrip, grab a tall boy Coke Zero, and snap the top off your shitty morning. The rage will go down if the text rate goes down as well. It’s not magic.

I see these mutants every day on the road. They’re driving a car like they stole it, changing lanes like a blind thief. They negotiate speed and turns like Vin Diesel did in those 15 Fast & Furious movies; not at all. All bets are off with a small SUV driven by a stressed out parent or born-to-fucking-run mustang on a rather calm and collected early morning drive. They ruin it all.

Movies are to blame too, just like cell phones and social media. They give us the impression that these vehicles can do certain things without much damage, outside of what’s scripted. The F&F reference isn’t for nothing; those films were once somewhat grounded, resulting in more than a few attempting the stunt near the end of the film where two cars try dodging a train. In real life, you just don’t walk away. All for a couple extra seconds of saved arrival time.

Why are people so damn angry out there? Nobody’s cracked the direct code yet, but I’d point a big finger at cellphones and a slow lack of respect for the laws of the road.