The Rant

No bullshit, beating around the bush, or a resemblance of order.

It’s time to let it rip. Before I started writing on the internet back in 2011, I would unleash long-winded, epic and completely voltaic rants on a batch of topics via email. Hence, the longtime logo:

Smarter souls would later call these dispatches, “bizarre email blasts.” Since certain readers bear-hug tight composition and rules being followed, though, I got away from that.

Well, we’re back. Leave your red pen at the door, please, and proceed.

I have a problem with slow drivers. The ones who use a car like a slow rowboat being pulled down a very busy street. 10 & 2 wheel holding, pushing the gas pedal like it’s the one used in a bus for the 1994 movie, Speed. Fast drivers are still a cancerous thread on the road that claims more accidents and delays, but the slow ones gather their own pile of pennies in this “be better drivers” fight.

Don’t just think old people, either. Young and middle-aged people can be seen when you drive by their 10 mph below the speed limit moving ass, carrying the look of a guy who just thought about sex for the first time and a woman next to him who looks upset that he had that thought. One can’t forget about the cell phone peeps. Gekkos. Confused and preoccupied drivers cause more accidents than fast movers.

I generally think people underestimate how difficult it is to drive. Forget the general method and sequencing of driving, the things you learn in a rulebook before the big day at the DMV. Operating a dangerous piece of machinery is a wild enough idea for a 2023 human, but mixing it into the flow of traffic is something only Charles Xavier can see from a wheelchair.

All of this to say I am so tired of bad, lazy drivers. They make a truck driver’s job so much harder by failing to do the little things that were graded in that driving test way back in the day. Once the passing grade lands, all of that knowledge is dropped like an empty box of candy.

The root of this issue is the need to *not* be told what to do-in all facets of life. Don’t drink too much. Don’t eat too much good food. Don’t be late to this or that, and be early if you can. The idea of being perfect sticks its ugly head out when bad drivers come about, because they are doing this so poorly just because the powers that be made it a rule to not be a moron on the road.

What else am I ranting about?

~Steven Matz lovers. This guy fires off three good starts in a row, and suddenly people call it a good contract. Guy sprinkled a little Suppan on his left arm, and got it going. The defenders come right out.

Yeah, he was just injured all this time, most of that year and half of this year. It’s the Tyler O’Neill thing—just gotta be the injuries, right? Nope. He wasn’t good at his job up until July #2 in his Cardinals contract. All he has to do is be a good end of rotation guy: fourth or fifth starter. It’s not too steep of an ask. My plea? Do it again next week, Steve.

~Fast food moral high horse folks. Whether or not you believe in their values or the corporate sponsors they work with, one must respect the efficiency of the Chick Filet drive through. There could be 50 cars in that lot, but you’ll be finished in 15-20 minutes. That’s efficient, the only thing a customer needs to worry about.

The people are always nice. The fries are fresh. The chicken is good. Walk through the drive through and you’ll see all walks in life working or eating there. I don’t think 99% of them pull into the parking lot, and google the owners’ life story or their investments. Is the food good? Yep. Is it fast? Yep. All I need to know. Everything in your life doesn’t have to take place on a soap box.

~People who insist that classic cinema is anything produced before 1980. Or a movie coming out after 1990 can’t be held to the same standard. They’re out there.

I get the origin of this thought process, but there’s a problem in this mindset. This isn’t one or even a few individual people. It’s just a large collection of thought that I can’t seem to ignore. They hate most modern movies or can’t hold them up to their oldies. My advice to them: jump off the boat, boomers. You know who I’m talking about. My love of cinema is versatile. As I’m the current promotional voice for a series of classic films in town, I like older movies, sure. But I’ll also challenge anyone on the movies of my time, 1982 and after, making just as big of a dent. Shawshank Redemption. Heat. Saving Private Ryan. BARBIE… possibly, maybe, upon further review. Just remember a classic means something different to every movie fan.

Start at the gate with First Blood, an anti-Vietnam drama disguised as an action thriller. Sylvester Stallone pouring his heart out about the effects of war to a sympathetic Richard Crenna is outstanding cinema; versatile, mixing action and message, just like my increasingly picky selection of what I consider a classic movie.

It’s also an exciting and rather fast paced adventure film, with a never crummier Brian Dennehy. Stallone stands out too in a star-making performance, showing off acting chops that still go under appreciated.

Here’s the final word. Cinema is classic in many senses. Everybody gets something different out if it. It does depend on your age, because that era of movies are attached to your childhood and life forever. It’s a personal thing. Most of my favorite films were released after the 80s. The 90s are my jam.

This rant is over. I’m out of bullets. Come back next time for an unfiltered take on whatever happens to sit in my mind long enough to be discussed.