The Rant: Hard work rewards, Goggins elevation, low Busch attendance fears, and a Blues rebuild reality

The body may disagree, but earning those dollars is the equivalent of satisfied adulting.

Like the plague that never ends or disappoints, the bugs and heat are back, at least for a few days. Around these parts of the country, the voting is red and so are the bumps on your skin. But after a few days, the weather drops 30-40 degrees into a cold chill. 72 hours later, the heat is back. This is a normal thing in St. Louis, where April holds as many weather personalities as James McAvoy in Split.

If there’s one thing I hate about my hometown, it’s the aggressive weather shifts. Being a blizzard of 82 baby, I prefer the colder temps but can adjust and live with the hotter parts of the year. But the constant upshift and downshift in feel and degrees makes the body do extra work and delivers more sickness to people. A hoodie and coat in the morning, but a shift to shorts in the afternoon when the sun peeks out. It’s the most dreadful time to be in this town, with the breakout of fall weather being the best.

Do I want to move or find another evil that isn’t as bad as this city’s evil (at least in the temp department)? No thanks. Trust the evil you know, and try to get along with it before finding a new house of horrors. It’s just a nice howl at the moon to get on a soapbox from time to time and complain about the things you can’t control, like mowing the lawn.

Life’s adulting chores can be a lot like mowing. You despise the existence of it, but celebrate the very end of it. The grass will grow tall again, but not right away. Life will run you over if you let it. The idea is to stay on your feet for as long as your legs will allow.

Welcome to the latest, unfiltered rant. Once every week or so, the barrels get emptied. What I will be doing differently with this one and the following dispatches with no name will be making them a true rant. Instead of topical breakdowns and dividers, we’re going full tilt with abrupt subject shifts and a route that would make a truck driver cringe. With the “5 things on my mind” posts still coming together and embracing the legacy of the original buffets, before the newsletter took on that name, there’s no need for an organized ramble.

Organized is for all the other shit in my life. This will be a full steam ahead, possibly shorter than 2,000 words, export of the goods and weird thoughts that travel through the head. Will it be worth the paywall that will still stand in front of a larger portion of it? I sure hope so.

St. Louis Cardinals fans would like the Cardinals to choose Jekyll or Hyde. I am here to tell you that the flavor won’t change. Until their two big guns start cranking and their rotation stops allowing big flies on the regular, it’s going to be a wicked and wildly ride all season. They’re 7-8 and showing few signs of climbing out of their mediocre hole. The starting pitching is better, but the offense is erratic.

The defense is sharper, but the opponents make the trek to win harder. The schedule doesn’t exactly let up for another 2-3 weeks, and all a fan can hope for is the team to be above water. Stay around .500, slowly get better, and break into that part of the schedule that doesn’t sting as much. A fan must trust that the team will be fun to watch amid their ups and downs, struggling like most teams this time of year to find their footing and a useful blend of roster personalities and types.

But facts are facts. The Cardinals are last in the Central, a weaker division than most. The Milwaukee Brewers and Pittsburgh Pirates have ten wins and sit on top of the pile of also-rans, above the Chicago Cubs. They overpaid to pry Craig Counsell from the Brewers, who haven’t missed a beat without their former longtime manager. If Cardinals fans need something to cling to, know the Cubs are in for an equally long season.

I’ll tell you one thing. Nolan Arenado and Paul Goldschmidt need to do their fucking job. No excuses or “it’s early” roadblocks there. They make $60 million between them, and that’s not an area to hope for decent seasons in; they need to be better and more consistent. Arenado hit his first home run of the year and one of just a few since August. Goldschmidt has been slow out of the gate all around, which can be normal for him.

They’re the big guns. Make no mistake. The young players and middle of the pack bats need to do their thing and plug the gaps, but the team will finish in an underwhelming fashion if Arenado and Goldy fail to deliver. If their descent is more abrupt than expected, this team will have to make tough decisions before July again. Spending nearly $180 million on a roster only for it to struggle to split even would be embarrassing. Doing it with a couple declining superstars would be worse.

It’s pretty harsh downtown for the Cardinals and their attendance numbers. While the early season grosses are expected to be down due to kids being in school and the weather being cooler, the stadium looked even more empty for the last homestand. Sonny Gray made his first start and Busch Stadium looked like the Reds stadium in July. With City SC moving in and St. Louis offering up more things to do with their time and streaming platforms giving people plenty of stuff to watch, the Cardinals need to hang onto their fans or continue to watch them trickle away.

Keep your eyes on the stands and see for yourself.

Blues fans know the feeling of seeing a former perennial playoff team dwindle down to a fringe team. For the second season in a row, the hockey team up the street will not play for Lord Stanley’s Cup. Their general manager is still hungover from the last big win for the team, struggling in his own ways to find a road ahead that keeps the fans around and his team honest.

Let me admit this. Colton Parayko had a great year. A bounceback season saw him become more aggressive on the puck and even got into a fight near the end. He collects and distributes the puck faster than most of his teammates, and takes no shit along the boards. He doesn’t have to be mean in order to be resourceful out there. Having said that, it would be a good time to consider trading him if the next couple seasons continue to look like 50/50 contenders.

He’s coming off his best season in a while, and this team needs polish all over. While I will elaborate on this further in a future post, Doug Armstrong has to begin a rebuild, or act like Houdini and get this team back to a serious contender. Fans have to get comfortable with the idea of unloading a big defenseman, Jordan Binnington, or one of their big scorers like Jordan Kyrou. If not, the fixes will take even longer.

The Blues don’t have Cardinal money. They need to be tactical and realistic, even if it means losing someone who put up a great year.

Speaking of years, can we honestly believe it’s the middle of April already? I celebrated a year with my job in late January, and we’re a few months separated from that date, blasting off into summer.

I’d rather watch a movie most nights over a game. It’s been that way for a few years. The idea of a good movie is more worthwhile than investing time in a sporting event most nights when the time is limited. The movie I watched this past week was Spike Lee’s Inside Man, his best film behind 25th Hour and Da 5 Bloods. Denzel Washington and Lee work almost as well together as Washington and Tony Scott did, linking their talents together in thought-provoking stories.

Adding a prime Clive Owen and Jodie Foster spices up the pot, and this bank robbery drama packs an original punch. It played well in theaters when it debuted and has held up well over the years, presenting the audience with a different sort of heist and villain, leading to a cat and mouse game that never loses its luster. Does the bad guy win? Yes and no. Should you watch it (first time or again)? Big yes. It’s on Netflix.

Speaking of watching something old and loving it, the time for a fresh rewatch of Mad Men is closing in. That or Banshee. Think of it as spending time with pals you know and love, instead of attempting to give your time to a stranger. That’s how I feel with most new movies. Are they worth the immediate attention, or can it wait until possibly never?

Two relatively new or upcoming things I want to watch: The new Planet of the Apes movie, and the Amazon series titled Fallout. The latter looks like a potentially better Westworld, and a great Walton Goggins showcase. He’s amazing in anything, and levels up the rest of the cast and story. The pic above completely masks him, but that voice is unmistakably signature.

And last but not least, one more thing to rant about. The people who don’t like IMOs, and their worst complaint. The popular pizza chain that originated out of St. Louis climbs into the hearts and minds of so many all over the country. Anything that is popular commands its fair share of detractors, but this has become nauseating. Which complaint am I referencing?

The crust. They say its cookie cutter, saltine-like crust isn’t much of a crust at all? Well, no shit!! IMOs crust is exactly like any other local or other city pizza joint’s thin crust. It’s… THIN CRUST PIZZA. Go over to Cecil Whitakers or anywhere around St. Louis that employs this kind of pizza, and the crust doesn’t change. Go have it in any other city, and it’s the same style and taste.

Only a complete moron buys a thin crust pizza looking for a great crust, the kind that doesn’t even rise an inch. Who gets the thinnest form of bread under a layer of cheese and toppings, and whines that it’s not the greatest crust ever? Idiots who waste our time do. If you want great crust, order a hand-tossed, deep dish, or New York style pizza.

The people who have a problem with IMOs should have a problem with its central ingredient: Provel cheese! People claim it’s not real cheese. It is just a hybrid of a few different kinds of cheese. The creamy-tasting nectar of the gods isn’t for everyone, but it’s a make or break for some. The same people who can’t just say they don’t like the cheese will complain about its Frankenstein nature, and then proceed to eat something at a gas station that carries a few different recipe names. At their most common, people are hypocritical to a fault.

Provel is delicious to me, which makes IMOs one of my favorite pizzas. It’s not the best in town or even close, but it’s pretty tasty due to that freak of nature and extremely creamy cheese. Oh, and the toasted raviolis and salads are top notch too. Let the haters hate. I just wish they’d hate more wisely.

That’s all for now. Go do something with a nice and hot day. We’ll be begging for these in July.

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