The Sunday Funday Rant: Having six pets turns a house into a zoo

Time to let it rip on the trials and tribulations of adulting.

Pit bulls are no joke, friends. Unlike most dogs, they’re as muscular as mountain lions and about as stubborn as Sicilians. They’re a lot like gangsters, actually. You’re going to think twice about testing them, eventually become submissive to them, and routinely hand them money. But… they’re the fiercest, most loyal creatures on the planet, sworn to a human’s love and care like a wolf in a pack.

But having six fucking pets is an extracurricular level of insanity. Three cats, petrified and hiding in the basement or outside these days, along with three dogs: a beagle, chihuahua, and the Pit. The P.B. doesn’t pity any fools, but the horse-built animal is a big teddy bear.

Yeah, the bad rap about Pit bulls is indeed false. They’re not dangerous animals, unless you think of danger as being licked and cuddled on by a creature who looks at you like you’re the last person needed on Earth. Even untrained and raw and wild, they’re terrific dogs. Allies in life, helping to push back against the rugged adulting curve.

What would we do without dogs? We’d wander, cry, rage, and cry some more. I’ll just ramble while the Buffa pets rest. In no particular order or fashion, it’s time to let it rip, Berzatto style!

Clayton Kershaw is a first ballot Hall of Famer. No questions, zero doubt. But he is fallible in the postseason. The Dodgers finally won a World Series title they had chased for decades back in 2020, but at least 35% of baseball purists would attach an asterisk to that title. Everybody may have chased the same thing in that limited season, but the rosters weren’t even full and the six month grind didn’t exist.

In ordinary playoffs, Kershaw is beatable suddenly. Matt Carpenter and Matt Adams know that. Everybody knows it today after Kershaw got ripped for six runs in a single inning this weekend. In 32 career playoff starts, he owns a 4.49 ERA. For Miles Mikolas, that’s an average season. To Kershaw, that’s a huge drop after another solid (if less) season of work.

How many people will remember his career by this image?

More than he’d like is the answer.

Kershaw’s regular season work stands tall, but his postseason vulnerability doesn’t sit far away in the room of discussion. He turned it on in 2020 for the World Series, but only put together an ERA of 3.00 or less in just two other postseason series. He also hasn’t hit 30 starts in a season since 2015. A tale of two cities, yet definitely HOF worthy.

A movie that I watched a couple of weeks ago deserves a few words. No One Will Save You has all the look and appeal of a low-budget horror film, from the casting to the aesthetic. It turned out to be more than that. Kaitlyn Dever, proving once again she is one of cinema’s brightest and under-appreciated talents, plays an outcast in a small town who comes upon an alien in her country home.

What sounds silly quickly develops into a pulse-pounding standoff between human and extra-terrestrial, as Dever’s loner takes on one after another, seemingly the result of a recent attack on her town. The unconventional, layered plot has some history to it that the second and third act lean into for heightened thrills and organic drama.

It’s more than just a scary alien attack movie. If that part of the movie has a one-track mind, the rest of it has bigger things on its mind. Things like grief, forgiveness, and trying to live in a world where you are hated for one, ill-fated decision in your life.

No One Will Save You streams on Hulu.

In case you missed my bitching about Netflix post Friday, I can sum it up easily for you: all of the auto-starts on the streaming service bug the heck out of me. A trailer playing too quickly, or a new move starting immediately after another was finished, are reasons to switch to Hulu or Amazon Prime instead.

Here’s a pitch for Apple TV Plus potential subscribers to consider. Their TV and movie content is strong and growing in the right direction. The Michael J. Fox documentary, Still, is my favorite doc of the year. The Taron Egerton-starring drama series, Black Bird, is compelling. It holds the late Ray Liotta’s last batch of stellar work.

Cha Cha Real Smooth hits you out of nowhere. Cooper Raiff’s acting, writing, and directing is on point, but it’s Dakota Johnson who will break your heart. The movie has Garden State energy. Best Picture winner CODA doesn’t sour on a second viewing. The plane doesn’t descend a bit, losing a little of its greatness.

CODA deftly speaks about deafness in the modern world, mixing in a music subplot that John Carney would appreciate, hits harder on second viewing. I’d like to spend an evening with Marlee Matlin and Troy Kotsur’s couple, and enjoy a latte (without NUT milk) with Eugenio Derbez’s music instructor.

Both of those films simply connect, and anybody can enjoy them.

Here’s a tease of my offseason Cardinals article to write. The first prose missile to be launched from the Ramble about the St. Louis baseball club will be the idea that most fans won’t like to hear. It involves trading one of their big studs, and why it’s VITAL to the team’s playoff success and suit of armor to return faster than expected. Acquiring starting pitching is paramount to their turnaround, but they won’t be able to spend the necessary cash on 2-3 starters.

That’s where THE TRADE comes in. More on that later. Who would you trade, IF it meant bringing in two or more big arms, out of Nolan Arenado and Paul Goldschmidt? My answer may or may not surprise you.

A year ago, I was working a job that would ultimately decide that my services were unfit for their model of business. Drive Social Media seemed like a nothing-but-net job opportunity, one ushered in by a lovely friend in Carly Schaber. She’s carving out a place for herself in an industry where A.I. is chasing down jobs like Blade Runners track down replicants. You must respect that hustle, even if it’s a league that wasn’t fit for you. I couldn’t rock it like her, falling prey to a guy who needed a notebook to get his point across, or at least a couple more paragraphs.

Today, I am much happier, and tired as well, at Crescent Plumbing Supply. 365 days flies so much faster today than when I was younger. Driving a truck and delivering oddly shaped and sometimes heavy-as-no-mercy toilets and water heaters has its setbacks. Scratches, bumps, bruises, and cuts come on in a flash, and back pain is basically your friend. You’ll find that anywhere in a warehouse gig. Such is life, as Winston said.

However, the family-type atmosphere is the difference maker. The “we’re in this together, shit or shine” idea of a workplace. Shouting is a daily part of the process, but the work gets done and the great city of St. Louis and its county receive the BEST plumbing supplies. There’s something unique and thrilling about entering a neighborhood you’ve never been to before, and design your own method of unloading and escaping the street. Parking, lifting, thinking, and multi-tasking. The best jobs are problem-solving operations that stick together no matter the task.

Could anybody do it? Fuck no. Am I happy with what I do for a living? You’re damn right. In this economy, finding something that pays well and doesn’t zap your brain is a necessity. I need to go, though. It’s time for some Ibuprofen.