Uber Tales: When you accidentally pick up a human instead of food

Strap in for the latest edition of Uber Tales. Wild and crazy true stories.

Hello, I’m Dan Buffa, UberX/Eats driver. Welcome to Uber Tales: True, weird stuff that happened in my car. Let’s call this Volume 2.

I started driving in the summer of 2017, when my family sold our old house and had to crash at my sister’s place until our new house was ready. A golden era of hot night sweats, uncomfortable sleeps, and some of the best tacos I’ve ever tasted. Talking about you, Bethalto, the ugly sibling of Alton--or so I hear.

Over the next three years, all the way up until the pandemic struck and shut life down as we knew it, I picked up over 3,680 rides. Different number groups, all kinds of personalities, and a few decent assholes. There were great tips, a few one-star reviews (still not over them), and lots of 3 a.m. stop times. It was a rush, a drag, pain in the ass, and a decent money-making gig all at once.

During the COVID-19 reign, a thing that variants refuse to let die, my dad and I started delivering for Postmates and DoorDash. Whichever app was putting out a high volume of orders was the one that got our attention. Eventually, Uber stepped in and tilted the ice a bit, acquiring Postmates and putting D.D. in the second place forever slot.

There’s nothing like working with your dad. We’re best friends, which means we talk, love, and fight like the oldest of pals. We know each other’s failsafe buttons, and also know how to extinguish a bad mood with just the right amount of words. Look, too many of my friends have already lost their folks; people younger than me. It’s too sad of a thought to not spend every waking minute I can with either my mom or dad.