Why Conan O’Brien is a perfect choice to host the Oscars

A host can either add something valuable, be annoying, or come off as nonexistent.

An Oscars telecast without a great host can feel like an interesting infomercial without a soul. It’s like making a great sandwich without stellar lunch meat. Jimmy Kimmel hosting is like buying the stale-looking, store brand deli lunch meat instead of the Boars Head nearby. Without a good host, the Academy Awards can feel like a bunch of rich people congratulating themselves; hard-working folks who pay for the product aren’t fans, and I don’t blame them.

A great host cuts through all the boring mechanisms, pulling entertainment where other high-paid moderators find themselves empty. A joke isn’t a foot-stomp statement on the world’s disorder, yet a clear attempt at making an anxious, uptight crowd thaw out. Conan O’Brien is a great host, and an excellent choice for next year’s Oscars. He’ll be the one taking the stage on March 2, 2025 to fire up a room of entitled pretenders who mostly like everyone in the room.

As my good friend, Eric Moore, would say, “it’s about damn time!” Eric is one of the best people I know, and he’s followed O’Brien longer than me. What took the Academy and their clique-forming members so long to give this guy a shot at hosting the Oscars? Was Kimmel too busy staying awake to say yes? Was Billy Crystal having too much fun acting twice every couple of years?

Hugh Jackman and Ryan Reynolds could sing, dance, and bring claws to the stage--but since Jackman’s new romance blends too closely into his marriage with ex-wife, Deborah-Lee Furness, so the masses may not be up for dancing Hugh. That’s fine. Conan is ready, and will be better than smiley Logan.

If anyone has watched an episode of his late night shows from any network, they know O’Brien is a true entertainer. He’s the host who will do the stunt work with the guest, tossing himself through a window or door while screaming like a banshee. He went on tour after leaving NBC, playing his guitar and slinging jokes around the country at colleges and various venues. A grass roots comedian turned big stage presence, there isn’t a more fitting candidate.

Unlike Ellen, he won’t get up in people’s faces in the crowd and start ordering pizza. Conan will bring the pizza out from backstage, and challenge The Rock to the ultimate cheat meal contest. If you want to make the snoozy Oscars more fun, drop some Conan into the mix. Bring back Arnold Schwarzenegger for a special presentation with the Conans.

I can picture O’Brien asking Arnold where he keeps his sword, and the Austrian asks Danny DeVito to bring it up from the audience. The only thing is poor Danny can lift the thing, so The Rock or Henry Cavill will have to get up and help him. It’ll be a hit with the guys, gals, kids, and pit bulls.

Here’s the thing. O’Brien won’t get too political, which will be a gloriously welcome sight next spring. He won’t make a particular bad burn of a nominated star that soaks up too much attention. He has better reflexes than Chris Rock, so no one will slap him.

Once again, the writers could score a lot of laughs by having a well-known actor try to storm the stage and slap him, only to have Conan perform some Wick Fu on the poor fella, or Meryl Streep. After the skit, he nods to Keanu Reeves in attendance. Maybe they should hire me.

O’Brien’s ability to perform physical comedy is a huge asset on that stage. His biggest job will be ensuring the show doesn’t mess up the In Memoriam again. Play a slow burn version of Knockin On Heaven’s Door with Slash as the images are presented. Do it right. Let Conan handle it.

If the Academy were wise, they would let O’Brien do anything he wants. He could even tag team Ricky Gervais in the audience for a few monologues. Make it fresh. Make it funny. Make it entertaining… like a movie.

Please don’t give us the Oscars version of Cloud Atlas. Conan helps.

Nicely done, decision-makers.