The Film Buffa Reviews: Conor McGregor is a scene stealer in otherwise lackluster ‘Road House’ remake

Patrick Swayze isn’t rolling in his grave, but this “Fast and Furious” blend is too cartoonish.

Every action film should have a fair measure of disbelief attached to its existence. Pure escapism doesn’t need relativity. Few souls went into dark theater playing this particular genre entry and strived for a person-next-door adventure. “I can’t imagine myself doing half of it” is the basic setup. Whether it’s how many punches the hero can take or if he or she really can’t survive a toss out of a building, it’s suitable to push that limit, even in *supposedly* grounded worlds like Doug Liman’s new film, a remake of Road House.

But the far-fetched can get a bit sketchy when it exceeds a certain limitation, entering an area where the fast and furious waves of action can exhaust a viewer instead of exciting them. Did this reload of the Patrick Swayze 80s cult classic do it justice, or merely wear out one’s ability to handle bone-crunching torture? Follow along and let’s find out, but grab some Tylenol first.

A Hero With A Death Wish

This is the kind of movie where the hero, Elwood Dalton (Jake Gyllenhaal in cruise control), sets his car on railroad tracks early on in the film, barely pulling away in time to be spun around by the train instead of demolished by it. We now know he’s got a death wish, and a wrecked car. So, why not take a job as a bouncer in a dangerous Florida Keys bar where roughhousing is replaced by the general aesthetic of the 70s Philadelphia Flyers broad street bully teams? Who cares about internal bleeding?

Dalton, a former UFC fighter, practices calm before contact like his cinema predecessor, but brings a gluttony of self-torture and regret to his new home in this iteration, which helps the owner feud off ruthless bad guys trying to break it down so their boss (a scenery-chewing Billy Magnussen) can buy up the land and build fancy condos. At the same time, Dalton boxes himself off from anyone who cares, including hot nurses and sweet teenage daughters of local shop owners to go with a set of new pals from the bar.

Enter McGregor

Eventually, an adversary presents himself in Conor McGregor’s Knox, a thunderstorm for Dalton and the bar’s inhabitants and supporters. The real life UFC legend doesn’t just gleefully chew scenery and slap poor Gyllenhaal around; he devours the entire movie in his first legit feature role. It’s like the contents were too generic, and he’s the spice that’s going to make it better, if not good.

McGregor understood the assignment: injecting fun and creativity into a cherished product without draining its original charm. Unlike his cast mates and anything else happening in the movie, he’s having a ball and elevating the movie to watchable. That’s a mark that the movie barely clears, even with decent ambition and its agent of chaos.

While the soundtrack offers more than a few bluesy thrills and the pacing isn’t a complete brick wall, Liman’s movie enters absurd action hero town with the heightened stunts and fights. What was meant to be interactive and in-your-face turns out to be disorienting and distracting. John Woo had doves, and Doug chose interactive fight sequences.

All of this is a general reaction to the game-changing John Wick movies. They upgraded fight scenes to being a more intimate and realistic treat for the audience. It’s the same as the aftermath of The Matrix, where filmmakers fell in love with slow motion.

Liman tries to blend the two, and it doesn’t work. The kinetic moments where the camera swoops around the characters aggressively as they fight and does similar work in chase scenes, confusing the viewer about what is happening. It was inventive for a few scenes, and then it became tiring.

Get A Taste of Diet Gyllenhaal

It gets ridiculous and too over the top. No one asked for the original to be turned into a Fast and Furious film with less cars and more abs and Hawaiian shirts. Gyllenhaal fills the quota on the last two things, but doesn’t add much to the character outside of being an aloof tough guy who takes too many punches.

If one wondered what Diet Gyllenhaal looked like at the movie theater, this is it. The Oscar-nominated performer is proven in the action genre with Ambulance and The Covenant, but he seems lost as Dalton, whereas Swayze really felt like that guy—and that helped the movie a great deal. If you don’t believe the hero can take the damage and don’t feel like you know him a little, the buildup for the finale won’t matter as much.

It’s no secret that McGregor and Gyllenhaal tangle and go at it on screen, but a too-much-at-once initial fight midway through takes away from the hype for the third act showdown. The key to the Swayze showdown with the original’s fight nemesis was the two men teasing their skills instead of emptying the tank in the initial confrontation. Moving it to a boat later on is only satisfying for Dalton’s funny line about Knox failing to understand shapes.

The film does have a sense of humor that creates a little levity from the overzealous action, but it’s so inconsistent and overwhelmed by the generic makeup of the rest of the script. By the end of the ride, I think the one thing I learned from the story is that internal bleeding and general bruising/scarring is so much different in this movie version of Florida. Also, how in the world can he walk around without a shirt on, and not get eaten alive by mosquitoes?!

Will Swayze Climb Out of His Grave or What?

In the end, it’s McGregor’s Irish Joker that comes out as the scene stealer who makes an otherwise lackluster film sing for a little while. He’s in a completely different movie.

They could have saved a few bucks on an overblown finale, and gotten this into theaters. But it’s a perfect Amazon streamer for a lazy Friday evening.

Swayze won’t roll in his grave, but he can rest soundly knowing this one pales in comparison to his original gem. Sometimes it’s best to leave it alone, even if the world of film received a gift wrapped bad guy in McGregor.

Thanks for reading and please consider subscribing to pump up my ego and get the doses to your eyes faster.