What the Cardinals' main goal should be this offseason

Show us what the real cards are, suits.

Asking a franchise that is so used to having star players, being in the postseason, or both to retool isn’t an easy thing to pull off. Changing one’s ways isn’t like changing the oil in your car--a process where the hardest task is getting the oil cap off to drain the old crap out before emptying a bottle from the gas station into your tank. Reshaping the St. Louis Cardinals, a storied franchise with 11 World Series titles to their name, will be a complex operation.

The losing has become a trend, instead of postseason attendance. Five out of the past eight seasons-unless the Cardinals win 98% of their remaining games and their competition (five or six teams) all take a swan dive in the standing-will result in zero playoff appearances for St. Louis. They have won a single playoff series in the last ten years, an unsavory acknowledgement that your free agency hunting and player development programs each suck. The postseason is a toss-up in many ways, but it’s ultimately based on teams that are properly built and catch some lightning in a bottle.

St. Louis hasn’t met lightning in a while, and their postseason appearances in the past five years can be boiled down to cameo spots instead of season arcs. It wouldn’t be as embarrassing if the team didn’t spend so much money simply to fall very short.

For instance, following today’s sweep at the hands of the Toronto Blue Jays, the Cardinals need to go 8-5 in their final 13 games to finish above the .500 mark. What a dubious honor to hold, especially for Bill “we don’t just want a good record” DeWitt Jr. Sorry Bill, but your record is 145-169 since the end of the 2022 regular season. (145-171 if you include the putrid Phillies series, but who’s counting?)

The do-to list is extra long, much longer than Michael Keaton’s list at the end of Multiplicity, where he enlists his friends and clones to finish the home renovation and win his wife back. DeWitt Jr. and John Mozeliak could use a few clones, especially if the second coming were much younger thinkers. The game has grown younger, and their baseball minds are aging out.

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When asked by a friend what the team remedy is, I pointed out a few things. First off, play the kids and stop paying position players $25-35 million dollars annually. For St. Louis, it’s unhealthy. It would be okay to start Luken Baker for the rest of the season to see what he can do with more than 1-2 starts per week. Second, fire your coaching staff. I’m sorry, but all must go. It’s not all Oli Marmol’s fault, but he’s not a good manager. Experience does help. Third, gut your front office, Bill. Close your eyes and just do it.

Introduce either Randy Flores or Chaim Bloom as the future face of the way this franchise thinks. With no apologies to Michael Girsch, unless his last name is really Shildt, he can leave with his partner in baseball crime, John. Girsch may not be the Sundance Kid to Mozeliak’s Butch, but he’s been in too many of those meetings. Tell us who the guy is and what the new methods are, because these current methods sure do stink. They’re not working, just like Ticketmaster often doesn’t work and DoorDash treats a simple address like an active bomb site.

Here’s the thing. Out of all the things the Cardinals need to do and do better, being honest with their fanbase is at the top of the list. The very top. Stop bullshitting the people who inflate your livelihood. Stop chasing waterfalls that you can’t catch, because the rest of the league has figured out your methods are stale. Rebuild not only your lineup, but how you evaluate talent and you spend money. Ask yourself why this money is being spent, and if there is absolutely nothing the team can do with the talent they already possess.

Again, just be honest with us, the paying customers. As you figure out how your team and television rights will look next year, be clear. Take a page from Doug Armstrong and Tom Stillman, keying the audience in on the future. Have Mozeliak introduce the next President of Baseball Operations, and then kindly leave the building. Show us the plan, as in the entire thought process that pertains to you winning this fanbase back.

Busch Stadium has gotten empty, outside of the occasional marquee opponent or weekend blast. Weekday games are ghostly, full of more red seats than shirts and hats. That will continue next year if it’s a half-ass measure to improve the dynamics of this team. Starting Baker/Burleson at first base as a platoon combo (Burly can also get ABs in outfield and DH, with Baker doing some of the latter as well), and the price will be a whopping $1.1 million and some change.

Do the math. What you are paying Paul Goldschmidt this year to smack 20-25 homers while flexing to maintain a .750 OPS can happen with either Baker or Burleson, but certainly with both. That extra $23 million and change can go to your rotation, where Steven Matz won’t be sharing a place in, hopefully. Also, don’t extend Masyn Winn right away. Let him play another year, because he’s under control until my son is entering college.

Do things differently. Also, as I beat a horse into the ground, be honest with your customers. Don’t show them a 70-inch flat screen in the showroom, and then set up a bougie 40-inch in their vacation resort room. If it’s going to be a couple years of rehabbing the ship and a few more Octobers without baseball, the road won’t be easy at all… but if you’re honest about it, the fans will come back.

If you find a way to trade Nolan Arenado (5 DRS, .716 OPS, 100 wRC+, don’t cry please), that could be $60 million that the team can play with, hold onto, or whatever next year. Let Miles Mikolas and Matz fall off the payroll and have J.J. Wetherholt get a year in the minors under his belt. 2026 and 2027 are potential comeback campaigns.

Just. Tell. Us. What. Is. Going. On!

That’s all, MoWitt. Enjoy the final 13 games of Cardinals baseball.